You Have Woken Up in a Dark Room

You must escape. Will you:
1) Play this YouYube homage to the slightly belligerent text adventures of yore?
2) Go to another, less silly website?
3) Believe me when I tell you there’s actually a good ending hidden in there somewhere?
3) Play the game, but only after pointing out that “text adventure” and “slightly belligerent” are kind of redundant?