While many, many people have sent me the horror that is the Avatar Reborn Na’vi Baby from eBay — and boy, do I hate you people and wish you would stop — sadly, Topless Roboteer Chuck G. has found something even more terrifying, at least to me:
?Yes, it’s the official E.T. hand, complete with glowing finger (I assume the glow helps pedophiles find their victims in their unlit basements). If you want to wear a giant hand that looks like its made entirely our of scrotum skin and go around touching people, you now have the option — and when the police allow you your one phone call, you can even “phone home”! You can order it here; if you do so, please email me your address so I can beat you to death with a hammer.