The Battleship Movie Finally Ditches Those Stupid Battleships

There’s a new trailer for Hasbro’s Bayformers-esque destruction porn movie Battleship, and it’s unique from the previous trailers in that there’s barely any battleships in it. While you might think this seems odd, please remember that this is a movie about aliens destroying cities, despite being based on a board game about ships destroying each other, and also the military doesn’t actually use battleships any more, so really, we’re just reaching the movie’s logical conclusion here.

It hurts me, it physically hurts me to know that this steaming shitpile is going to gross $700 million dollars while John Carter will be lucky to break $100 mil in the U.S., because most people are idiots who like seeing shit break more than they like characters, story, and quality. They might as well have titled Battleship LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR: THE MOVIE. Hell, it would certainly be more accurate than “Battleship.”