Movies, Toys

Oh @#$%, Even the G.I. Joe Retaliation Posters Are Awesome


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I don’t generally cover movie posters — they’re hardly indicative of how good or bad a movie will end up — but I’m still so baffled to be looking forward to the G.I. Joe movie sequel that it still seems newsworthy when I see something for Retaliation that delights me. Like these movie posters. HOLY SHIT THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE G.I. JOE TO ME. I CAN LOOK AT THESE POSTERS, AND IF THERE WAS NO TEXT ON THEM, I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THEM AS PROMOTING A G.I. JOE MOVIE. This is not something I could do for Rise of Cobra. And look at this!

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HOLY SHIT COBRA COMMANDER LOOKS BADASS. HE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A CRUNCHBERRY IN A GAS MASK. HE LOOKS LIKE COBRA COMMANDER. ARRRRGGGHH. In short, I am pleased. there are actually four other movie posters — one of Bruce Willis as Joe Colton, which is just Bruce Willis in a suit carrying a gun, like every Bruce Willis movie poster; Jinx, who admittedly doesn’t look as G.I. Joe as these guys; Storm Shadow, who is shirtless, and thus doesn’t look particularly G.I. Joe either; and finally Channing Tatum, who is terrible and I hate. But still, that means 50% of the movie posters look like G.I. Joe! That’s significant forward progress, people!

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.