E3 Trifecta 1: Star Wars 1313, Assassin’s Creed 3, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale

? Star Wars 1313 is a Mature-rated game about the criminal underworld (figuratively and literally) of Coruscant. It is pretty much Uncharted: Star Wars Edition, and I am 100% okay with that. It helps that the game is fucking gorgeous — seriously, this has been the first time I’ve been wowed by a game’s graphics in quite some time — and that it doesn’t star Boba Fett, as initially rumored. Thanks to Tom M. for the tip.

? Uh, I know how Ubisoft has been all like “Connor’s not going to play sides and will be killing both British and American Templar agents,” but it’s a bit difficult to believe when you see this new trailer (no gameplay) of Connor running into an armed and ready British army and basically killing every single redcoated motherfucker himself. While George Washington and a bald eagle look on approvingly. When asked for a comment, Roland Emmerich, director of The Patriot, shed a single tear and whispered “I wish I’d thought of that.”
? Nathan Drake from Uncharted and a Big Daddy from the initially PC and Xbox exclusive Bioshock will join the roster of PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, a.k.a. Less Super Smash Bros. I personally can’t stand Smash Bros. — my pitiful monkey brain has never figured out what the fuck is going on — and playing with the less fun Sony characters does not appeal to me. Still, I understand that plenty of folks are going to enjoy it, and that’s fine with me. I do reserve the right to change my mind if Ico ends up joining the ranks, though. Thanks to dreamer2512002 for the tip.