Movies, Nerdery

In a Just World, This Is How Spielberg’s E.T. Pitch Would Have Gone


I’m not a big fan of movie executive in general — proof is coming in this weekend’s TR contest — but I must say these guys have the right idea. Not about E.T. being a turd, since we all know that E.T. is actually a giant, sentient scrotum. But the idea that E.T. is bad is pure truth, which I’ve known since I was a little Topless Robot, cowering under my bed for fear that a drunken, cross-dressing testicle alien would mistake me for his friend, try to kill me, abduct me, and/or touch me with his creepy glowing pedo-finger. These people are heroes for trying to avert the tragedy that was E.T., and I commend them for their efforts.

In related news, about 900 of you have sent me the news that E.T.’s original designer, Italian special effects wizard Carlo Rambaldi, passed away at the age of 86. I have an alibi. 

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.