In a Just World, This Is How Spielberg’s E.T. Pitch Would Have Gone

I’m not a big fan of movie executive in general — proof is coming in this weekend’s TR contest — but I must say these guys have the right idea. Not about E.T. being a turd, since we all know that E.T. is actually a giant, sentient scrotum. But the idea that E.T. is bad is pure truth, which I’ve known since I was a little Topless Robot, cowering under my bed for fear that a drunken, cross-dressing testicle alien would mistake me for his friend, try to kill me, abduct me, and/or touch me with his creepy glowing pedo-finger. These people are heroes for trying to avert the tragedy that was E.T., and I commend them for their efforts.

In related news, about 900 of you have sent me the news that E.T.’s original designer, Italian special effects wizard Carlo Rambaldi, passed away at the age of 86. I have an alibi.