GODDAMMIT SQUARE ENIX STOP MAKING FINAL FANTASY XIII GAMES
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Square Enix announced Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII, because apparently Final Fantasy XIII-3 was too stupid a title even for them. Besides starring Lightning — the heroine who makes Squall Leonhart look charismatic and likable — the game will actually be in real time, meaning when you start you have 13 days to save the world, and the clock starts counting down. I’d bitch that by setting a time limit on the game you kill the ability to explore and enjoy side quests so integral to an RPG, but Final Fantasy XIII had nothing to explore, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Plus, I’m not going to play it anyways. (Via Kotaku)
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.