The Boston Tea Party Might Be Assassin-ier Than I Was Taught in School

Every American knows the story of the Boston Tea Party, and how a bunch of kind Bostonians gave the local marine life all the free tea they could drink (also there was something about taxes, I think). But did you know the entire Revolutionary War was total bullshit and completely inconsequential? That’s the premise of this new Assassin’s Creed III promo, at least. Obviously Ubisoft is trying to lessen its apparent pro-American bias after countless trailers of Connor tearing through Redcoats like they were pinatas and Connor had low blood sugar — but without going to far as actually, you know, showing Connor killing an American. Ubisoft’s solution is to say the Revolutionary War didn’t matter as compared to the incredibly goofy AssCreed plot of assassins vs. templars, which fans of the games will instantly understand and pretty much no one else will. Basically, what I’m saying is that I expect a special Fox News report on the “anti-American game Assassin’s Creed” at any minute.