White House Won’t Build a Death Star, Does Know Its Star Wars References


The Obama administration has pledged to respond to every petition it gets that has more than 25,000 signatures, which seems an awfully time-consuming proposition – to be honest, I bet all the readers of this site could easily combine forces and fill one up quickly, which may be a really stupid idea for a publicity stunt down the line (talk amongst yourselves).

This being America, it shouldn’t be any surprise that 25,000 of us tried to insist upon our Force-given right to a national Death Star. What did surprise me was the savviness of the official response. Here’s a sample:

This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For

By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

-The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

-The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

-Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

When you read the entire thing, you’ll learn that there’s even a NASA program called C3PO! And contrary to what opponents of this president might believe, it is not a program designed to preemptively apologize to interstellar Hutt crimelords in their native language.

Hat tip to more readers than I can name – this was easily the most-submitted tip I have ever received.