Fast Food Review: AMC Theaters Jalapeno Poppers

I was raised not to expect snacks every time I went to the movies, for which I am eternally grateful. The comfort for me was seeing the thing, not relying on masses of popcorn, which, in Ireland circa my young days, would not have been fresh anyway, but in a sealed-bag single portion. Ice cream was more the favored snack, but Irish ice cream was also pretty terrible – their version of Good Humor, called “HB,” was pretty much the only option and clearly warned on all packaging that it contained non-milk fat.

Things have changed now. With a schedule as busy as mine, sometimes I find myself at a movie screening at 7 p.m. not having had the time to eat, and for years, popcorn and candy were pretty much the only options. But now theaters want to get fancy with their menus, and I certainly appreciate that notion in theory.

Let’s talk about the execution…

As I’ve mentioned a time or two, jalapeno poppers are among my favorite things-that-are-terrible-for-me, right up there with Jack Daniel’s. So to say I was overjoyed when I saw them added to the AMC menu would be…meh, actually, not really an understatement. More like accurate assessment, though I kept my joy pretty well concealed inside. I do already appreciate the mozzarella sticks, but fried cheese is just so much better when surrounded by spicy green vegetable-ness.

AMC goes for the cream cheese variation, which I think is the original style, but Wikipedia is no help on this (though they do mention Monterey Jack versions, which I have yet to encounter). Cheddar is my preference, but it’s all good. As with any of their new breaded/fried items, you get to wait five minutes, or more if the new employee has to figure out how to use an oven first.

Aficionados already know this, but the biggest danger with these things aside from whatever they’re doing to your heart is that they need to be eaten hot for the cheese inside to be deliciously liquid, but that also runs you the risk of scalding filling gushing out the side and actually hurting you as soon as you bite into one (there’s also the danger of mouth-roof burning, which has happened to me more times than I’d like). The best use a breadcrumb coating that disintegrates quickly upon contact with mouth, defusing such a situation; but the best are also messy, and this food must be eatable inside a darkened theater. So this breading is resilient; crispy but with some elasticity. You’d run the risk of scalding, but they don’t cook them super-hot. So the risk of solidified filling is actually greater.

Another “danger,” if I can call it that, is that jalapeno poppers are controversial. Many of my friends REALLY dislike them. Bear that in mind before you order a serving of eight. Jack in the Box, which does them right, has a maximum of seven, which is hugely decadent but I love it (and hate myself, a bit, for doing so). Eight is maybe one too many…especially when nobody wants to share.

Also…marinara sauce? Not so good with these. I’m not big on ranch, but requesting it here might be the thing to do.

Please note that none of my objections here are likely to keep me from ordering the poppers again when I find myself at a theater, not having eaten. The flavor of jalapenos and cream cheese still works, even when dumbed down to AMC movie-theater level (no offense to movie theater employees in general – I’ve been one – but doesn’t ANYBODY at AMC know how to shut the auditorium door when the movie starts?).

I guess I just need to make friends with better (or perhaps I mean worse) taste buds.