WWE’ s Insane Pyromaniac Kane Is Thinking of Running for Office

The other day, when one of our lists went off-topic and devolved into politics (for which I apologize), a commenter suggested that it was impossible to take Al Franken seriously as a politician after watching Stuart Smalley. Likewise, I responded, many people thought the same about Ronald Reagan after they saw him costar with a chimpanzee.

I’m not sure either had as much of an uphill climb as the one Glen Jacobs may face.


Best known as Kane, Jacobs has been identified since 1997 with a persona who has been portrayed as a pyromaniac, necrophiliac kidnapper who’ll gladly set people aflame on a whim, either by dousing them with gasoline or calling on his powers of pyrokinesis. Though recent storylines have mocked his dark persona by sticking him in anger management classes, the constant in his character has been psychosis.

But that’s not the worst of it, politically. Jacobs has had other wrestling personas too, including one as an evil dentist named I. Yankem…


…oh yeah, and the ripped-from-the-headlines, bedecked-in-bondage-gear character called, um, UNABOMB.

Yes, this is the guy who’s thinking about challenging Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander in the next primary. Though Kane has authored political editorials in the past, this isn’t quite like the case of Jesse Ventura, whose “telling it like it is” persona mirrored his campaign for office. Kane’s slogan, if he ran in character, would be something like “Vote for me and I won’t impregnate your girlfriend and set her on fire.”

I imagine you all might be able to think of a better one. So what would you think Kane’s political slogan should be – and if he ever needed a running mate, who’d be best suited?