Star Trek Select Action Figures Winner


Since Julia is such a hardcore Trek fan that she feels it her responsibility to give the Vulcan salute every time we ride Star Tours at Disneyland, I let her pick the winner of this one. Your assignment was twofold: suggest what the next figure/diorama in the line should be, and imagine what the third nu-Trek movie would be like.

After the jump, we’ll start with the honorable mentions.

I hope Zach and the guys at Diamond are reading these ideas.


Playset: Weary Kirk in the K-7 hallway, chest-deep in Tribbles.

Movie: First, and I can’t emphasize this enough, Spock Prime has to die. The “Dumbledore explains the plot” scenes are sucking the life out of the middle of the film. NO MORE CHEAT CODES, NUTREK.

Plotwise, war with the Klingons has indeed started, and isn’t going all that well. Starfleet ideals are slowly eroding under assault from an enemy that attacks civilian populations and employs scorched earth tactics, leading Kirk & Co. on a covert mission to find the Armageddon Machine from “The Doomsday Machine.” In a desperate race to find and seize the ancient superweapon with Kor, his opposite number from the Klingon Empire (Johnny Depp,) beating several platform levels to get ever closer, Kirk must wrestle with the question of whether to allow a genocidal superweapon to fall even into Federation hands, or simply destroy it outright.

I…I can’t. In reality, Kirk is only too happy to grab the superweapon and use it to blow up Klingon planets, even as everyone on his crew shouts at him about it. Through the power of Kirk being a cocky fuckup, however, he manages to destroy the superweapon, though not before we get the overused iconic shot of the USS Enterprise rising majestically out of …something. Uhhhh, lava, maybe? No, wait. It BURSTS OUT OF A WATERFALL. Yeah.


1) “The Ultimate Battle-Captain vs Captain.” Who will win in the greatest galactic showdown of all time? It’s Kirk vs Picard in the ultimate battle for supremacy! Set includes one Captain Kirk figure, one Jean-Luc Picard Figure, and a Bridge playset that just sort of… falls on Kirk. Wait that’s it? Aw, man.

“You have been, and always will be… my friend.” Kirk and Spock making the Vulcan salute at each other separated by a plastic wall. (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan) The sound chip plays amazing grace on bagpipes.

“Brain, brain, brain! What is BRAIN?!” Spock in a green jumpsuit just standing there with a colander on his head. Comes with glowy computer orb and video game controller.

2) Star TreQ: Qontinuum. The Enterprise is put on trial by a mysterious god-like figure who wishes to put the crew of the enterprise-and all of humanity on trial! How will the crew defeat a mad god with nigh-omnipotent power? John DeLancie stars as the Mysterious Stranger, whose physical appearrance is that of a wizard. Old Spock tells young Spock he’d only heard of this being through tall tales.Mostly because I want to see Kirk and Co. deal with Q, but it also ties into the whole plot of a Threequel gaining an escalating threat.

The poster will be the Mysterious Stranger sitting upon the captain’s chair surrounded by the wreckage of the USS Enterprise. His face will be obscured by a lens flare an the words “CHAQS IS CQMING.” will be “graffiti-ed” over the poster.


1) I must say I’d really love a Voyager scene, the one where the Doctor removes Seven of Nine inplants in the sickbay.

2) Ok, let’s try this again… they will work on a partial remake of Generations making up a crew (including the parent of one of lead characters, like Uhura’s father for example, for the drama) died inside the Nexus while testing a Cosntitution class ship prototype.
Abrams will call back Malcolm McDowell to play the role of Soran… but, in order to keep the secret he’ll present him as “Bob”.
Kirk will lose the command of the ship for a random reason because he’s a jerk ( Douchebag Hero? is property of the Kurtzman-Orci-Lindelof Trinity) but he will eventually get it back before the second act beacuse of the usual lack of better personnel ( and with this it would be 3 time in a row).
And then… ACTION! ACTION! ACTION AND LENSE FLARE! with explosions,fights, plotholes and stuff that blows up!… all that stuff for audience with a low attention span and limited cerebral functions who likes Michael Bay.
Urban will keep doing his best impression of DeForest Kelley and a new nurse will flash him randomly for the joy of the watchers, Pegg will keep being… Pegg and will suffer the loss of that Jar Jar-ish comic relief alien they gave him since the first film in an Highly dramatic scene.

Yelching will be the usual russian stereotype to make fun of along the script and Cho will keep being asian because his part will be so under-written that you will identify him as Sulu only because at some point someone will call his name.
Uhura and Spock will keep making out and will eventually have their own sex scene and Kirk will save the day beating the record of crew members sacrificed by the poor choices of the most idiotic fratboy-captain of the Starfleet.
During the film Abrams will personally call you on your cellphone to spoil and explain every twist in case it wasn’t clear enough since the titles and he will take a seat at your left to elboy you at every homage and citation of the previous series he pushed in every single scene.


1. The scene from the Generations movie where Picard and Kirk are in the kitchen cooking Eggs. It’s off the wall and funny to me.

2. It opens with the Federation sending the Enterprise to Klingon with a shipment of gifts in hopes to quell an already tense situation between the two empires. Prior to arrival, their plans will be changed due to a time ribbon flowing through space and destroying planets and systems. The Enterprise will be ordered to alter course after receiving a distress call near the ribbon where they will rescue Wil Wheaton.

Abrams will cast Wil Wheaton as an unknown character until release. It will be discovered that Wil is in fact Tolian Soran, who has summoned a time ribbon from the future, in an attempt to take over the universe. The Enterprise and her crew will become trapped into Nexus, where they will find Captain Picard. Kirk will plead with Picard for his help, because, why not role reverse. During the final climactic battle, Picard will die, not by being thrown off a bridge, but instead riding the missile into space, much like a reverse Dr. Strangelove Bomb Scene.

After all has been restored and corrected, and the ribbon dispursed, the Enterprise will continue on towards Klingon to make the delivery of their shipment. After initially being thanked by the Klingons for their attempt to foster peace between the two empires, the Enterprise will leave Klingon space and continue with their 5 year mission. The Klingons will discover the gift was an extremely large batch of Tribbles, thus setting up the fourth movie, an all out war with the Klingon Empire.


1. Kirk and that Indian guy who says “Behold the god who bleeds” as they square off for battle. Then you hit a button on Kirk’s back and he wraps his arms around himself and hugs himself happily and bad actingly.

2. The new crew of the Enterprise goes back in time to save some whales, but the whales are played by dolphins with fat suits.


1.I think a series of Iconic scenes for each character would be sweet. Gimme a McCoy in his special Doctor’s Tunic with a hypospray complete with a sickbay bed AND a set of lower legs that can fit on any previously released figure so they can lie down properly.

Scotty should come with the Transporter room or at least the console. OR maybe a Jeffries tube, that hasn’t been done before I don’t think.

Chekov can come with the main helm/navigation part of the bridge and Uhura could come with her station and Spocks. Then later you come out with a Kirk with Chair (I think they have one they can reuse).

Just for sheer fun I think we should get a shirtless Sulu from Naked Time with a rapier. Glistening with sweat too. Just to bring it to George Takei at a convention and have him sign it “Oh Myyyyyyyy.”

I’d also love to see Mirror versions of all the main characters.

2. I think it’s pretty obvious that they’re going to explore the Klingons and their relationship with the new universe Federation, and I think that’s the best way to go. Especially if we see updated versions of the main 3 TOS era Klingons, Kang, Koloth and Kor. Would even be better if JJ followed the continuity from the Augments episodes of Enterprise and showed the three great Klingons in a partial state of genetically mutation.


1. Shirtless Kirk from The Gamesters of Triskelion. The main accessory will be the girl from that episode, because that’s all she was. An accessory.

2. The next movie will try to cover the Klingon war, but it will do so in an extremely heavy-handed anvilicious way by criticizing aspects of the War on Iraq that haven’t applied for ten years. It will also become even more self-referential, to the point where it’s incomprehensible. Kirk will get with whats-her-name (I cared about her in the original, suddenly I can’t remember her. Hmmm), and leave her pregnant in a TWIST ENDING.

But who will the new characters be? They’ll all be new or returning – yes, Khan will be back, and just as whitified as ever, but the big deal will be Harry Mudd, reimagined as a black man (so now fans can claim that it’s not racist), and a straight-up pimp. Because that’s how things work in movies these days. The movie will be more bogged-down by its own self-righteous internal continuity than Alias and Lost combined. And it will end with the five-year mission actually beginning (this last movie was a tease).


Answer 1a (Comical but will sell well) : Picard/Riker/Work at the conference room table so we can have a triple facepalm

Answer 1b (What I think would be cool) Picard on a flip-table turning into locutus.

Answer 2 : Star Trek Alternate Echo. Doing a full movie based off of the classic mirror, mirror! Never showing that Spock as a goatie and Uhura wants to set Kirk’s phaser to sexy! OOOHHHHH and in this alternate universe Spock didn’t go back in time…Kirk did! now Shatner can get in on the gag.

Calm-AV again:

Is it wrong that I have more awesome ideas (at least to me) for play sets then I do for movies…That said I am on a mission to either win…or end the year with the most HMs

1A Playset : TNG Crew playing poker (with dealer visor for Data)

1B Playset : DS9 Quark’s bar with sore/injured Bashir & O’Brien after playing in the holodeck

2: Star Trek Days of Future past : We get to see it from Kirk & the Enterprise when the crew of DS9 go back in time from the episode trials and Tribble-ations. Sisko (now played by Cirroc Lofton – Jake Sisko from DS9) will get to serve with Kirk twice! This makes perfect sense since almost all Star Trek time travel happens with the main crew going back in time to be the focal point of the story, now we can have different actors from the DS9 era too. My first casting : Chief O’Brien will be played by Nick Frost!!! With a fun scene where O’Brien and Scotty share some ice cream *Lens Flare*.

And the winner is…

turk4186. The judge’s comments: “I picked this entry because it had both, an awesome toy idea and a excellent story idea. I think true die-hard Trek fans would love a ‘He’s dead Jim’ toy. Also, who the heck doesn’t love Tribbles? I actually think it would be great to do a Tribble backstory. Tribbles have plenty to offer.”

1. remake any scene where Dr mcoy is checking the vital signs of a dead person. preferably a red shirted ensign! “HE’S DEAD JIM…”

2. star trek 3… is about tribbles! but the twist…? the tribbles are humans from the future. highly evolved into the most effective yet worthless self replicating creatures. it can be an allegory for humans as pests of the universe. also feature the klingons waging war on humans because they want to prevent this future… and because tribbles hate them.

Please email me your info to claim your prize.