Star Trek: Enterprise – Season 2 – Technically it didn’t have Star Trek in the name yet, because producers hadn’t anticipated that you want all these shows listed together alphabetically for the benefit of dumb people. Anyway, Klingons, Vulcans, Andorians, Borg the temporal Cold War, pon farr T’Pol and an entire episode centered around Archer’s stupid dog (if we can thank JJ Abrams for one thing, it’s having Scotty beam the pesky pooch to nowhere) highlight this set of 26 episodes on 7 discs.
Betty Boop: The Essential Collection Volume 1 – 12 shorts seems awfully skimpy for one Blu-ray disc, but any vintage Fleischer brothers cartoons scanned from the original negatives on 4K resolution are worth owning – even at $24.99 for 80 minutes. Hey, it doesn’t sound so bad if I tell you about how I bought the VHS of Mortal Kombat in the mid-’90s for the bargain price of $29.99, now does it?
The Pit and the Pendulum – Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, muthaphukkin’ OLIVER REED in a Stuart Gordon movie adapting Edgar Allen Poe for Full Moon Entertainment. I don’t care how much anyone may say it sucks…I cannot possibly believe that it does with that equation. Just like hydrochloric acid and sodium hydroxide makes salt and water, that combo has to chemically balance out into awesomeness. Just has to.
Rapture-Palooza – Antichrist Craig Robinson puts the moves on Anna Kendrick in a post-apocalypse world filled with foul-mouthed crows. Presumably she is relieved that for once the supernatural creature next door isn’t a sparkly vampire.
Boardwalk Empire: The Complete Third Season – Steve Buscemi and Michael Shannon on the same show? I don’t need any more convincing. Just time to watch yet another premium cable show I’m sure I’d like but have no time for.
A Virgin Among the Living Dead/Nightmares Come at Night/The Awful Dr. Orlof – Three from Spanish exploitation director Jess Franco, who went back and forth between horror and porn, always with a love of lesbian vampires and women in prison. He did two movies with Christopher Lee, but these are not them.
No One Lives – Surprisingly decent and hard-R horror from WWE Studios and director Ryuhei Kitamura (Midnight Meat Train), in which the cliched set-up of a young couple ambushed by a family of murderous backwoods thieves get gradually upended, as it becomes apparent that the would-be victim is far worse than anybody who could possibly come after him. Luke Evans may have secured his role in The Crow remake with his performance here; token wrestling talent Brodus Clay is but a cameo, and meets with a fate that all fans who are annoyed by his “Funkasaurus” routine should enjoy the hell out of.
Those are my top picks of the week (you didn’t seriously think I’d bring up Scary Movie V, did you? Except right then, I mean?). What are yours?