Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Extinction, Blockages and Batman


Luke’s mother-in-law is former LAPD, a licensed property appraiser and a self-described crazy cat lady. None of which has prepared her for TR readers. All questions and answers are real.

Hello all.

Well, we survived the first round of your questions and now I am back to tackle more. A bit more about myself so you can get a feel for questions you may wish to ask in the future.

I’m a mom who is not afraid to tell my age – 57. As many of you know, I am Luke’s mother-in-law. You can all feel sorry for him now as I have lots of opinions to give and am not afraid to lecture when he or my daughter need correction, even at their ages.

I like all kinds of music. I grew up on folk, country, rock and bubblegum. Love TV – especially cooking shows, reruns of anything Star Trek, sitcoms, dramas etc. The TV in my house is on almost all of the time.

It is fun getting to know you all.

So now let’s see what the mail bag has coughed up this week.

OneMinuteGalactica writes ” A lot of people like to use a gravelly voice and say, “I’m Batman,” but I never hear anyone ask, “Am I Batman?” Well…. Am I?

Well, why not? Lets face it, the movies change Batman like people change socks. Anyone can be Batman if they stand up for what is right. You can be a super hero to almost anyone by the way you conduct yourself in the world. A dad who spends time with his kids is a Batman to them. If you help a friend or neighbor you can be a Batman etc.

Dr Abraxas sent this one in (I’ve heard a lot about you LOL)

” So I have a friend, let’s call him cthutlu – actually, let’s not – anyway, this friend of mine who is totally real and everything they like to block a lot, perhaps too much? Now, I am all for the cram, but even I accept the fact that orifices, must be, er’evacuated’ and preferably on schedule. So I’m wondering, what is you best advice for unclogging TU-my friend’s orifices?”

Wow, does this mean that Cthutlu has been released from the ocean? He must be hiding out there somewhere, as I hear that his telepathic communications are heard when under water. But if he is in communication, you are ether insane or very creative, as those are the types of humans he feels are worthy and can communicate with.

I can understand why you may wish me to pass on advice on unclogging his orifices. He has been around since the 1920s, so he is quite old. The older you get generally the most clogged you get. This could explain why his disposition is also nasty.

I would say you should look to his diet, but where he is an ocean creature, I’m sure he is eating enough fish, and kelp for roughage. When in doubt you can always fall back on a care package of ex-lax.

Timely-Tardis-Lego has a problem with collectibles and small children

Well, for my question, I have a lot of collectible figures and things in my room, my nephew sometimes comes over to play the ps3, but sometimes, he wants to play with the toys. I don’t really have anything kid durable, and what I do have that is, is lego models that are a work in progress or big heavy “Don’t take it apart” things. Anyway, any recommendations for toys I can get for my nephew to play with?

If it helps, he’s about 7-8…or 10.
Not sure really.
He’s well behaved in any case.

Ahh, a young Jedi in training. Well, he is old enough to understand look, but don’t touch. But I know that is hard with kids, even ones that are as old as mine. I have a house full of collectibles which have all survived rug rats. Currently my cats are a larger danger to things then children ever were.

If you have enough room you might try giving him a small section all for the things he builds alone or with you. Then they have a place of special honor in your world. This would also include a mutually signed peace accord that we don’t touch without the others expressed written permission. You could do a whole thing around the signing of the document.

Anyway for the selection of a toy: I recently saw a friend’s Kinect system that was a roller coaster and a ferris wheel. The kids, about your nephew’s age, built the whole thing; it took days so this could last you several visits. Another suggesting would be to take him to the toy store and ask him what he would like to built at your house – of course put a dollar limit on the item. Also have you checked out thrift stores? I find this to be a great resource of items that have been played with but are still in good shape. Recently a full Batcave playset entered my home from a thrift store; besides the cats loving it a couple of big kids I know had a great time with it.

Troi wants the answer to this age old question:

Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Well, last I heard, a big big rock fell out of the sky many years ago and turned the summer into winter. Dinos not having winter coats froze. Now, that was mostly for the big dumb ones; we still have the smaller versions running around. I have always said that the ruts of the litters get all the brains and thus these guys are still around. For example. a chuckawalla, or a gila monster.

So all of the dinos did not really die out – just the big dumb ones went.

GrimlockPrime provides this weighty question:

If Hulk picks up Thor, and Thor is holding Mjolnir, then by the transitive nature of picking things up, didn’t Hulk pick up Thor’s Hammer?

Dahh. As Mjolnir is Thor’s hammer and he is holding it, then Hulk picked up Thor, then yes, Hulk also picked up the hammer etc. That’s like asking if Hulk picked up Thor, didn’t he also pick up his clothes. Thor, I assume, was not naked at the time of the pick up. Unless maybe Hulk and Thor have something going that we are not aware of. Hummmmmmm. Not a pretty picture.

NOT.DrAbraxas sent this in:

Can you trace, movie by movie, scene by scene, the development of Tim Burton’s sexual obsession with Depp/Helena Bonham Carter?

No. I do this for free and I have a real job that does pay. So you can do your own research. Anyway as Ms. Carter is Mr. Burton’s domestic partner, that should explain his sexual obsession with her. As far as Mr. Depp, I thought the obsession was with putting white crap all over this talented actors face. Perhaps Mr. Burton’s company has stock in a company that makes clown makeup. I don’t understand why Mr. Depp hides behind this crap.

Last, but certainly not least, we have this question from severmille:

How do you overcome being a shy person and get up the nerve to ask a girl out?

Let me tell you a little story here about the fearless leader of Toplessrobot. Guess how long it took Luke (actor, critic, writer, man about town) to ask out his now-wife. Bet you all though he met her and got her in a flash. Nope. It took several months and then he asked a director to see if she might be interested in going out. Luke met the future Mrs on a movie set where he was the lead and she was one of his victims. Love at first stab. Anyway he was interested on set, but did not get close with any of the lovely ladies on set. A month or so after the movie wrapped he asked the director if he thought she might be interested in a date. He had the director ask her. Phone numbers got exchanged and the rest is history.

So maybe have a friend see if the lady in question may be interested – it worked for Luke. Also perhaps you have mutual friend and you could all go out together to start. There is safety in numbers. After a few times of the group get togethers you should know some of her interests. With this knowledge in hand maybe you could get tickets to something she likes and when in the group setting say something like I just won 2 tickets to (insert the event here) and would you like to use the second ticket?

That’s it for this week – hope you enjoyed!

If you’d like to add your questions to the pile for Luke’s mother-in-law, leave them in comments below.