Julia Reads Comics: Uglydoll: Eat Dat! and Hello Kitty: Delicious!

In my new dedication to adding more comics-based content to the site, I have strived to be open-minded. I have so far looked at differing interpretations of Oz and an indie LGBT superhero book drawn in Archie-ish style. But sometimes I get books that really just aren’t aimed at me in any way, shape or form. Fortunately, there is someone else in my house I can recruit.

Herewith – and with a huge thank you to Dr.Gonzo82 for the transcription work – my wife reviews the new Hello Kitty and Uglydoll TPBs, both food-themed, and both available now.

Okay, let’s start with Uglydolls…

Well, I’m opening this book and I don’t understand why they’re called the Ugly Dolls, I mean they’re not conventionally pretty, but they’re still rather adorable…You know just because it’s not normal doesn’t make it automatically ugly…Freakin’ jerks. I mean look at this little one, this one has an eye that’s crossed and a nose sticking out, that’s just adorable. They just kind of have this look of “duh George.”

They’re ripping off Iron Chef. See, this is what you’d like to see on Iron Chef, them making a total mess and everything goes flying everywhere and they’re using crap ingredients. They should just do that on Iron Chef one time, “crap ingredients!” You know? Like on Cutthroat Kitchen, they sometimes have to take a lot of crap ingredients and make them taste good and they end up pulling it out if their butts.

Yeah, I don’t understand how they’re ugly. They’re cute. I mean I dunno, maybe other people would find them ugly, but those people I bet are highly judgmental I’d guess…and that’s really sad, you know? These are definitely meant for little kids, or people who are hardcore fans of this…I know I’ve seen the dolls in person and even the dolls are still even cute.

I love how they change the style. Even when they change the style it’s still cute…Except for the big ass zit, but that’s usually taken care of with some Stridex pads. I mean seriously, you don’t have to invest a lot in acne care, none of that Proactive crap, just get the Stridex pads. That’s my tip for anyone with an acne problem. Just get the Stridex pads in the heavy dose. That’s all you need…and wash your face with like…well, I use Clinique. It’s really worth paying the money for good face soap, but for acne care you just need Stridex you know? Unless you have a very serious medical problem and your doctor advises you to do something different.

Is this out of Sweden? Because I just noticed the dots over the i’s and the a and the y.

I don’t think it is, I think it’s American.

Oh, then they just wanted to use the dots. I know there’s a technical name for that, but I can’t think of it right now cause I don’t feel too well. (laughter) These are cute. You can tell that more than one artist did this, but it’s really adorable. I like it. Ok. You can ask me some questions.

Okay, I don’t really have any questions.

Well, it’s a cute little book that involves dolls that people think are ugly, but really aren’t that ugly. They’re really not that ugly. Just adorable little figures.

What were the last comics you read before these two?

Snoopy.

Snoopy?

Snoopy.

Snoopy? How do these compare?

Well, you can’t compare too much because Snoopy is an American classic, and the styles from the 1960s are different than today so it’s kind of like apple/orange, I mean they’re both good, you know it’s not like that boring Family Circus crap you know?

Yeah.

It’s just really adorable, you know? They relied more on words and less on imagery, it can get a little busy with…You know you either have to do like fully detailed…I think with a really good comic you can’t just throw a lot of high action and a bunch of words into it, you gotta have some simplicity. In either the wording, or the pictures. Even with Superman, there’s still like non…like when it gets really complex picture wise, there’s not a lot of words, and when it’s not so complex picture wise there’s a lot of words, see you kind of get what I-

Yeah.

Yeah, and this one I feel like they rely a lot on words and highly complex pictures, but then again it’s for little kids so it really doesn’t matter.

Little kids won’t get all the Food Network references, will they?
Um, you know, a lot of little kids watch the Food Network and the Food Network is one of the least offensive things you can have your kids watch these days, so I think a lot of them would. I mean you can look at Master Chef junior and see that little kids do like cooking. So I think they would.

All right, so if you had the Ugly Dolls and the Hello Kitty and friends in a cook off, who wins?

Hello Kitty automatically.

Why?
Because she’s Hello Kitty, duh. No comparison. Why would you even ask that?

Are you discriminating because she’s cute and the others are ugly?

As I said, I don’t find that the others are ugly, I just think Hello Kitty has more magical powers than the Ugly Dolls.

What are her magic powers?

You know, the power of friendship, the power of cuteness, magical pixie dust…She just has them, they’re not really describable that much, she just has the ability to do anything she wishes, where the Ugly Dolls don’t seem to have that ability. I could be wrong.

You sure she’s not practicing witchcraft?

Whether she is or isn’t it doesn’t really matter, now does it?

I dunno, she might have a pagan world-view.

Well, It’s her right. I don’t care. I mean if you know…I don’t mean to sound political, but if you get somebody who’s so hard-assed to say this is Pagan, or this is anti whatever, you got a little problem and you’re kind of reading way too much into it. It’s kind of like with the Barbie controversy um…growing up playing with Barbie, I never looked at Barbie and went “I gotta look exactly like this plastic doll. I gotta have big boobs and a big butt, and a small waist.” I never thought any of that. I was just like “Barbie, yay yay yay, lets flush your head down the toilet!” You know, I just had FUN. But I think parents and adults can put a lot into a child’s brain. And I think, cause little kids they’re not born with all these preconceived notions built into them. They learn as they go…and a little kid just doesn’t make that connection unless they are told that connection, and that really saddens me.

You want your kids to form their own opinion and not be a copy exactly of you. For example, my father, he’s mister military and I became an actor. I chose the one career he never wanted me to be. I mean he fully supported me in it and didn’t go like, “Oh, acting is for sissies and you can’t be a sissy, blah blah blah.” He never did that. He let me find my own way. If I had questions he gave me his own opinion, but he was always like “Make up your own mind” and I think parents a lot of the time don’t let their kids make up their own mind, and they make them copies of them, and that’s really kind of sad. I mean it’s good to have both sides of the coin, but I see videos now where little kids are like, their parents are telling them a line and they’re copying the line and it’s a political agenda, and I’m just like you know, childhood shouldn’t be about politics it should be about, well…your childhood. ‘Cause you only have it for so long, you have it for a very short time.

I mean you have your whole life to be political, you only got 18 years to be a kid, or to be like three or four and have your parents make you say a bunch of stuff you can’t comprehend, I’m sorry, it’s sad and I don’t want kids to do that. That’s just my opinion.

This Hello Kitty comic review just got real deep.

It did, it did, but then again, I’m an adult, so obviously I spew what I spew. I guarantee if I was showing this to any of my friends little kids they’d be like “HELLO KITTY’S AWESOME, YAY!!” That’s it, you know?

On that note, we’ll leave it alone.

Ok.

So next let’s talk about the Hello Kitty comic…

All right, have you read Hello Kitty comics before?

Nope.

How did you like this one?

Well, it was really cute. I thought it told the story decently enough with just pictures, because clearly there are barely any words in here, but you know, I was able to get it.

What’s your favorite part?

Uh…Well, I just love Hello Kitty in general, so pretty much every single page, because she’s on every single page, practically.

Is it in keeping with her character?

Well, Hello Kitty doesn’t have too much of a character per se, she’s just like a cute-ass little cat you know? She likes having her friends and going on adventures and this is what the book does. You know? It’s adorable.

What’s up with the Moon Kitty that has Shrek Ears and tentacle arms? Or Space Kitty or whatever it is.

Oh, that’s Hello Kitty’s – from what I gathered – little friend in outer space. And the whole point of Hello Kitty is to make friends anywhere, you know?

All right, so if you were describing the story of this comic book to someone who hasn’t read it, what would you say?

Okay it’s a bunch of different little stories in a comic book, some brand new, some based on fairy tales. It’s just Hello Kitty happiness and cuteness.

Happiness and cuteness?

Yeah.

Why is it cute?

It’s frickin’ Hello Kitty! Duh.

Do you think there’s no dialog because she doesn’t have a mouth?

Ah, no because of the animated series Hello Kitty, the stuff they put out in the ’80s they had her with a mouth and everything so she could talk you know, she’d be like “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our theatre”, blah blah blah blah blah blah, so her mouth can come and go as needed.

That’s a useful thing. That looks like a Simpsons donut on the cover.

It is the Simpsons donut. It looks exactly like the Simpsons donut but you can’t quite copyright a donut color, because it’s free domain, you know?

Is it a cuter donut because it’s pink?

Well, it makes it tastier, but you know, in real life even though my favorite color is pink, I sometimes dread getting an all pink cake because I don’t know what dye they use to make pink, but the ones they use for cake frosting ALWAYS taste very chemical-ly . The secret to a good frosting is not to have it taste like chemicals or the dye, you want it to taste sweet, and the pink dye is generally very bitter.

And finally, what do you say to the commenters who say Hello Kitty is the overlord of evil?

Oh, go to hell!