Is It Even Worth Getting Upset That Alice in Wonderland 2 Includes the Mad Hatter’s Dad?

“I’m playing WHO?”

That’s Rhys Ifans, by the way, no stranger to terrible cash-in reboots, who’ll be playing the elder haberdasher who goes by the name of…are you ready for this…”Zanik Hightopp.” I assume this is happening because everybody’s favorite part of the first movie was when they added unnecessary backstory for the Hatter, and they got the idea from Tim Burton giving fucking Willy Wonka a backstory also, one about his dad being a dentist…

Obviously I’m kidding. Nobody alive will admit to thinking those were good ideas, though having Christopher Lee be Mr. Wonka Senior mitigated things slightly. Rhys Ifans is not going to mitigate a damned thing. And this movie will make a billion dollars anyway.

“Zanik Hightopp.” Did they let George Lucas’ kids name all the characters again?