Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Sharknado, Volleyball and Zombies


A veteran of the LAPD, widow of a Green Beret and self-described crazy cat lady, Luke’s Mother-in-Law fears no questions. Ask her anything in the comments section – no issue is too big, too trivial or too weird for her to tackle, but if you get out of line, she will let you know!

All questions and answers are real.

Hello all. We are in another excessive heat warning period. Weather is, they say, 116 degrees for today thru the end of the week – joy of joys. Still have not heard anything from Contact in the Desert as to if I am going to volunteer. I almost assume by now that I am not. I really hate, however, that people have gotten really rude and or stupid. If you ask for volunteers would not it be nice to let people know that they are not needed? Another pet peeve: I waited to pick up a key to do an appraisal for a sale this week. Had asked the agent if she could put a lock box on the property and she said no. So I pick up the key, it is already 100 outside, get to the house and guess what there is a lock box on the back door. How rude. Anyway, it has been one of those weeks in the appraisal business.

Also I can’t get the mouse on my laptop to work. It is a touch mouse, which I never really liked. Finally I plugged in an old mouse I had sitting around and that is working. Any thoughts on this would be great. The laptop is a Toshiba with Windows 7 professional.

[That old mouse worked way better for me when I was there last – LYT]

I am writing to you all sitting under my AC vent with a cool breeze blowing and a margarita in hand. So now on to the advice.

if you could erase your memory of a piece of art you love (books movies songs plays paintings etc) so that you could experience it for the first time again would you do it?

and if you could do that for one you don’t like and wished you hadn’t had (bad sequels) would you

A two-parter. For the first part, no, I would not erase my memory of art, literature, play, movies etc that I love. Even if I see something many times, I still can find something new in most things. So I can only add to the memory. It is like when I am in a play, it may be the same show every night, but there is always something different as the audience is different. So you always get something exciting from them.

For the second part, I would consider doing it for something that I did not like. If I did not like it to start with, why would I care to remember? Might as well hit the delete key and free up some of my getting-limited memory and fill it with something better.

If there was a zombie apocalypse and you had to pick six superheroes to help you survive, who would they be and why would you pick them?

Six superheroes – that’s quite a few. I would start with the Lone Ranger – he has the Silver Bullet – Batman as he would bring Robin (good to look at – better than zombies) Hey, I’m up to three. Wonder Woman, she can wrap them up with that nifty rope. Storm could freeze them and finally my girl Hello Kitty; she would just cute them out of existence. Bet you didn’t think I could come up with six. Not bad for an old lady.

How would you feel if some guy came along and said he was taking your name and job? What would you call yourself and do in the meantime, before you could get everything straightened out?

Are you offering? Let me tell you: I really would not mind. The guy would be stuck with “Martha Louise” to start with. Then the job, it is not very fun, lots of hot work with lots of people not liking your results or asking really stupid questions about your work. And finally they would get all of my bills.

I would call myself free, move to a tropical island and retire.

How long until Black Captain America and Thor Lady die and the status quo is restored? Do you think it will last longer than his death a couple years ago?

The sooner the better. I don’t remember Black Captain America and when I heard this and Lady Thor I thought, why can’t we just keep the stories and characters as is. Diversity is great, but make a new hero, don’t just take the established one and change its sex or race – how dumb and unoriginal. Come on, writers, think up something new.

What are your feelings on someone liking an author’s stories even if the author in question has severe moral failings? (Examples: Orson Scott Card, H.P. Lovecraft).

Well, most of the time I don’t know very much about the author’s life story and most of the time I don’t really care to find out. I read the work for the story involved. Writers, along with other artists, are generally very complex people and many sometimes have tortured or difficult pasts and this is why they are talented at storytelling. Many times the stories are releases for their emotions and give them time to let their minds go off in other directions. Like right now, my mind is going in a strange direction as I am more interested in my new kittens romping across my keyboard while I am trying to type this answer.

Thanks for the answer to my last question! Here’s a kitty one. I have a hermaphrodite calico who my vet said was sterile, but just recently became pregnant. Should I abort the kittens because of the risk of genetic mutation because of their weird mommy?

Well, from what I understand, it is a pretty rare disease in cats and dogs. I would probably go with what my vet suggests. The fur babies could be okay; on the other hand they may not be okay. Good luck with your decision on what to do.

QUESTION! If the rabies virus crossed with a form of influenza that didn’t make people tired and kept them in bed but instead kept them moving around do you think we could count that as a “zombie” disease, or do you think it ain’t zombie unless it’s also really dead?
Thank you in advance for answering this from everyone at the CDC.

Got to be dead to be zombie. Besides, when I get the flu, I generally can’t stay still in bed. I am too restless.

Gene H:: I wish to cash in on the Sharknado craze. What animal could be best mixed with a Polar Vortex?

A polar bear: everything would be so white you would never see it coming.

John K:
Vintage vinyl records or new vinyl records?

Give me vintage vinyl and a turntable any day. I have boxes of them at my house.

Amy K:
Which name is better for a volleyball team, The Empire Spikes Back or The Spikes Must Flow? How do I talk my team into one of them instead of the pathetic one they’ve been using (Never Too Old)?

I vote for The Empire Spikes Back. The Empire has lots of power to make those spikes and it would fit with any of the ages that are on your team. Powerful team, powerful name. Never Too Old sounds like a bunch of old ladies. Never too old for what?

Well, that is a wrap for this week. Thank you all for your questions; some were tougher than others. I know that LYT is off to Comic Con, so I am sure he will be bringing you interesting things thru the Con. Currently I have 2 sleepy kitties on either side of my keyboard and they are about the length of the machine; still so small. Anyway, be good to each other this week. If it is hot where you are, keep cool and drink lots of water. Huggs

Got questions? Sure you do! Ask them below and be included in a future column.