Apple to Create Giant Watch That Will Pay for Leaked Celebrity Nudes, or Something


I’m still proud to say I have a camera that isn’t connected to the Internet, unless I choose it to be. Now you’re going to persuade me that a hackable watch is something I need too?

Apparently. Apple today unveiled the new iPhone 6, which is basically bigger, more powerful, etc. Then, the iWatch, which monitors your vital signs along with doing a lot of the shit your smartphone can, plus, y’know, being a watch. (My main criteria for a watch: that it tells time and is waterproof and shockproof, which I’m thinking this probably isn’t)

Oh, and a feature called ApplePay, which is designed to replace your wallet and allow you to pay for stuff by tapping your Apple phone – they say they won’t track your purchases at all, and yet there will be loyalty/reward programs to encourage the switch.

Internet’s somehow going to get even worse at next year’s Comic-Con, isn’t it?