The Official Sparkly Pepper Spray of Paul Blart 2

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This is quite a thing to find in your inbox:

“Check this out! blingsting? pepper spray is the most fashionable way to stay safe! Soon to be featured in Mall Cop 2, it’s the ultimate accessory that serves a purpose, too! More information and photos are below. Can I send you a sample?”

Question: how am I expected to test and review this product?

Now, before you get huffy with me, I KNOW Paul Blart 2 is not the kind of movie I’m meant to be writing about. I know this because I had to fucking review the first one. But weird merchandise is, and sparkly pepper spray makes me think our nerd movies – which all but INVENTED the modern merchandising tie-in, praise be to Lucas – need to step up their game.


Come to think of it, I don’t know if these pepper sprays are meant to be bought by fans of Paul Blart, or people who want to keep away fans of Paul Blart. That’s pretty genius marketing, right there.