The Human Centipede 3 Trailer Is Hard to Swallow

That this is now a “franchise” astonishes me. I remember when the first one came out, Julia actually punched me for even describing the premise. A year later, it’s on South Park and everyone laughs.

When the sequel hit, all of a sudden people who never would have praised the original when it came out did that whole retcon thing they do: “Well, the first one had its merits, but THIS is just gross.” I will cop to genuinely liking the second, which very few people did – though let’s see now how many will defend it retroactively compared to the new one.

As in part 2, part 3 acknowledges the existence of the initial film as a movie. Dieter Laser and Laurence R. Harvey return as new characters: Laser’s basically riffing on Arizona’s notoriously harsh-on-prisoners Sheriff Joe Arpaio, as a prison warden whose newest punishment idea is to sew all 500 convicts together, ass-to-mouth, with the Brock Lesnar-like slogan: “Eat. Digest. Repeat.”

Ironically, director Tom Six said this one would make the first look like My Little Pony. I think that’s a sign, and it’s time we pitched a Pony Jar horror movie Who’s with me?