Columns, Live Performance, Miscellaneous

Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Sub-Ohm, the Magic Dragon

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Got questions? Martha Boyd has all sorts of answers. A desert-dweller, self-proclaimed crazy cat lady, former LAPD officer and widow to a Green Beret, she’s seen and heard things crazier than you’ve imagined. And is ready for whatever odd questions you have, so bring them on!

Hi All. We had another lovely rain storm in the desert last week. Started as a good soaking rain and then ended with a downpour. The desert is turning green, which is very pretty. My trees are all very happy campers and some of them are flowering.

Some of my clients seem to be getting dumber and dumber.

Let’s see a raise of hands on how many people know what a 6 ft gas wall heater is. It is pretty common still in a lot of areas both in houses and apartments. Well, now the lenders seem to be on a kick about is a wall heater common to the area, does it heat the house and how do you install it. I did a report last week where of the 9 comparables used in the report, 6 had wall heaters and 3 had forced warm air systems. The lender actually came back and asked if wall heat was common to the area. I wrote back as 6 of the 9 comparables had wall heat it appears that wall heat is common to the area. Idiot.

Then I get “please explain in detail the installation of a wall heater.” Really????? They have a picture of the wall heater on the wall in the report. I really felt like writing back this unit is installed with bubble gum stuck to the back and then stuck to the wall. How am I supposed to know how it is installed unless I installed it or rip it off the wall to find out. I bit my tough and wrote back for installation instructions please contact a qualified heating and air professional. Be afraid people – these brain trust folks are making loans in our country. Perhaps the savings account might be best stashed under the bed for the time being.

The cat pics this week are of Pirate and Lovey, and of course Mr. Frizzy being cute as always. See, I warned you all about the kitty pictures. I loved the video LYT posted the other day on the little cats in little hats. I want those hats.

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So let’s get on with the questions of the week.

LYT:
How soon will you be purchasing little hats shaped like little cats wearing little hats? And how much blood do you reckon you’d lose trying to put them in place upon the little cats?

I would love to get a couple of those hats. I think a couple of the kids would let me put them on to start with and then the fun would begin with watching them trying to get them off. Not sure we would have a lot of blood lost if I do a lot of petting and just sort of slip it on.

John Zoidberg:

Question: Do any of your cats know how to use a smartphone?

No, they have not figured out the smartphone yet, but they do love to play with the computer. They just love screen savers. Also when I get a tablet I plan on getting them a fishy saver. That should be lots of fun.

Gallen Dugall:
Have I ever questioned the nature of my reality? Well of course I have, but cats and trees don’t really talk back so it’s kinda pointless.

This was not really posted as a question to me this week, but I found it and hijacked the comment for use here and Gallen questions me all of the time. My cats talk back all of the time; you just need to understand the code, since after all they are aliens here to take over the world. They speak in their home voice. My five fur balls rule the nest. They have a lovely 3 bedroom home with a devoted servant. They do allow me to sleep on part of the bed. I have also been told that they do prefer things when staff is increased on the house when Julia and Luke visit. Six hands, five cats, you do the math.

James Polk:
My apologies for the typos. Any advice on how to more accurately type using these touch screen keyboards that think they’re better at deciding what I’m saying than I do?

I hate the screen typing on my phone. It never spells anything correctly and my bad spelling does not need any help. With some words I have found that if I space between each letter the work comes out as I wanted it to be. Auto correct just keeps spelling the word incorrectly as it has no clue as to the word. Smart phones appear to be fairly dumb. Had to spell dumb once on the Smart phone a D U M B to get it to take. I have a Samsung G3.

James Polk:
What’s the earliest date you’ve started seeing Christmas decorations and knick-knacks for sale in stores. I went into a Hobby Lobby store this week to buy some watercolor paints (Damn you Ozne) and was a little unnerved y the huge presence of Santas, nutcrackers, and garlands/ornaments. There wasn’t even much in the way of Halloween stuff on display. It’s like Christmas just… Ate it all.

I realize this is an arts and crafts store and the rules are slightly different but sheesh.

Out here we have a store called the Christmas Store it is in LA county. 365 days of Christmas goodness. Walmart is already starting to clear the summer items in the garden center. Now it is still 100+ out here, but I was there last week to get pool supplies and the decoration pallets were already in the rows and shelves were getting empty. Geez we are just at back to school and still have Halloween and Thanksgiving to get past.

In my house we do each holiday separately. So the Christmas decorations do not go up until after the Turkey is done – leftovers and all. By the way, that does not count the wreath that I have posted pictures of as I change the decorations for each holiday.

Adam M:
As punishment for Pixels, is public flogging to good for Adam Sandler?

Well I have not had the pleasure of seeing much about Pixels other than what is on TV. Looks pretty dumb to me and I doubt that I will go and see it. Adam Sandler is okay and he is making a living at acting. Probably just dreaming about pixels is punishment enough for him.

Joe C:
Should I get a Madcatz Tournament Ed 2 or Hori Real Arcade Pro 4 Kai as my first foray into non – Happ parts?

Well, Hori Real seems mostly geared for PlayStation and Madcatz for PlayStation and Xbox. So Madcatz might be a good choice if you have both systems.

Jay M:
I was recently gifted a special tank and battery that allows me to enjoy the pleasures of Sub -ohming. Namely larger clouds and better flavor. The larger clouds have given rise to giggling fits as I claim to be a dragon.

Well, not sure what you are vaping to make you giggle and claim to be a dragon – some of that wacky tobacky? Just be careful with the batteries, replace them often and don’t let things get overheated. Gee, you could be a dragon on fire if you are not careful with sub ohming.

How do I stop being a dragon?

Stop ohming the funny stuff.

Alternately: How do I gain a Fire Gullet to live out my dragon dreams?

Have the e-cig blow up in your face.

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And now for some very important information. I am in the cast of Addams Family: The Musical. I am an ancestor. That is chorus , but that is totally okay. There were 2 other people up for Gramma and I am a bit rusty at this point. So I am very happy with what I will be doing. The show runs Friday and Saturday nights the month of October in 29 Palms.

So that is all for this week. Have a great next week, be good to each other and as always HUGGS.

Got questions for Martha? On life, love, nerdy nitpickery and anything else? You can either post them below in comments, or email them directly to boydappraisal at yahoo.com. Nothing is off the table, so give it your best inquiry.

About Author

Luke Y. Thompson has been writing professionally about movies and pop-culture since 1999, and has also been an actor in some extremely cheap culty and horror movies you will probably never hear much about (he is nonetheless mostly proud of them, as he met his wife on one). As editor of The Robot's Voice since 2012, he can take the blame for the majority of the site's content, all of which he creates because he loves you very, very much. (Although he loves nachos more. Sorry.) Prior to TRV, Luke wrote for publications that include the New Times LA, Los Angeles CityBeat, E! Online, OC Weekly, Geekweek, GeekChicDaily, The L.A. Times, The Village Voice, LA Weekly, and Nerdist