The Walking Dead SPOILER Thread – JSS-’tis League of America

This week the Horn of Gondor is explained, we get a new hip acronym for the kids to use, and it’s all-out war for no obvious reason (yet).

Coral Count: 2

RAWN Count: 6

-Previously on AMC’s The Walking Dead…Andrew Lincoln was clean shaven. I’d hardly have believed it if you hadn’t given me the proof.

-Does this flashback mean Enid lived through the zombie apocalypse?

-Why…it’s as if…a girl named Enid inhabited a…GHOST WORLD.

-“JSS” Is this a reference I should know? Or should we refer to Beavis and Butt-Head? Beavis: “This means something!.” Butt-Head: “Yeah. It means something stupid.”

-Me: “hey babe, look, a turtle on TV! A cute turtohhhhhh fuck.”

-Yes, it’s a tortoise. And I know from Italian cannibal movies that they do not actually bleed that much.

-Hey, a settlement! I could go inside, but turning my back on it would make a more dramatic lens flare, Decisions…

-Oh gross. Yes, after all things have died, only goddamn celery soup will be available. Paprika is definitely an improvement. And cola canned ham? That sounds like good poor-person improv.

-Carol, you are really gonna lecture someone about smoking now? Like, I hate smoking too, but if you can die any moment, fuck it.

-Carol once again demonstrating worst people skills ever, which is why she rules. I’m so sure telling him to just get over his dead dad will work.

-Ron sees through his mother’s evil plot to engineer a conversation!

-“RICK!…is…dangerous!” Ron, you could be captain of the Enterprise someday.

-”Yeah. He’s my friend.” Friend with BONER-FITS!!!

-Maggie, don’t overplay the Southern accent. Just don’t. We do not say “crites” for “crates.”

-Deanna looks like Ron Perlman in Beauty and the Beast.

-“I’m the new doctor now.” Hey, people wanted a female Doctor. Different show, though.

-Eugene, you are the most stereotypical clueless dude ever. But thank you for being less obnoxious than Sheldon Cooper.

-“Hi Carl, I just proved myself totally untrustworthy, but will you teach me how to kill someone with a machete?” Or: “Hey I just met you…and this is crazy…but here’s my new leaf…so machete me maybe!”

-tick tock, usually ominous…OH SHIT RANDOM FAT GUY WITH A MACHETE!

-Molotov cocktail’s the local drink, and all she wants to do is, dig, dig.

-”I’m trapped in the closet. So I took out my gun.”

-The only thing that could stop a bad Coral with a gun is a good Coral with a gun. And one of those things does not exist.

-Jeez, Enid, nice of you to ONLY NOW realize your community’s weaknesses aloud. They could maybe have used the pointers earlier.

-Oh hey, Locke from LOST is in here stabbing people, apparently.

-Carol, once more ruthless and full of tough love. Being groomed as a Rick replacement, methinks.

-Mystery solved! Here’s what the Horn of Gondor was last week.

-AAAHTURNTHEGODDAMNHORNOFFAAAHHHHSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPKILLEVERYONEIFYOUHAVETOMOTHERFUCKTHATSLOUDDAMMITZOMBIEDRIVERSHITSHITSHITOHTHANKHOLYCHRIST IT’S MORGAN.

-Oh shizzle the Wyatt Family has apparently invaded Alexandria. Follow tha buzzahds!

-Carol figured out the “W” mark disguise fast.

-Deanna through a cracked window. METAPHOR!

-“She was guarding us!” Yes, and that knowledge makes amateur surgery so much easier.

-Oh look, a burning bush. Because somebody wants to let somebody’s people go.

-RAWN rejects the protection of CORAL

-Scissors, sister! Gonna take that baddie out tonight…

-It must be a huge relief to have foes that can be shot in the chest as well as the head, and whose bite don’t mean shit.

-Alexandria is in…THE PURGE!

-Oh man, black-on-black crime is an issue even in the future. #NoProgress

-Carol, when somebody says, “Please don’t kill me,” the correct answer is, “I’m not gonna kill you. I want you to tell all your friends about me.”

-Morgan knows some pervy cheese-makers. OH, and Carol is ruthless. No wish to interrogate.

-“I’m no good with guns!” Point one end at the person you hate and go bang. The rest, you’ll figure out.

-Morgan TOTALLY AWESOME with the pole. And now for pure fan service, we know he must one day fight Michonne. Also, we need at least one nunchuk guy and one sai guy for a full ninja turtle roster.

-“HII’MCHRISHARDWICKAND HEREISKEVINSMITH WHOMIWILLINTRODUCEBY PROFESSIONINCASEYOUNEVERHERADOFHIMAND…What the hell is Paul Bettany doing on this show?”

-Assassin’s Creed: Alexandria.

-Whoah. “A”? We’re doing a Scarlet Letter theme? We are that obvious? At least Twin Peaks was knowing when they pulled that off.

-So, nobody wants to interrogate any of these folks, it seems.

-And we just learned…what? That the bad guys have black and white cameras?

-Oooh, just a brain-stab reminder. Never hurts.

-“How do you just live, when that’s the world?” This is what Christians ask atheists all the time. Her answer is lame. Mine is that sometimes it’s more comforting to accept that the universe is chaos than that it’s all the plan of a rational, superior mind. Apologies to those who hate faith talk, but there it is.

-And now we know what JSS means: “just survive somehow.” Because the kid who shot his mom after her baby was cut out of her dying ass really needs to be told that.

-Morgan needs to be the next 10-inch action figure. Seriously, McFarlane Toys.

-Children of the Corn: We’re All Growed Up version.

-Does this guy know Morgan? I guess not. Assuming he couldn’t kill was dumb.

-Burning zombie! If they aren’t using the dried parts for kindling, they should be.

-Is this the ending of The Incredible Hulk?

NEXT WEEK: Daryl on his bike and Rick making speeches! YAY!