The Walking Dead Snarkback and Spoiler Thread: From Glenn to Glenn


“Noise to Glenn, AMC, TWD!”

Okay, I’ve decided to stop calling this a recap (and dub it a snarkback) since we get people like last week suddenly joining us all mad at what this thread always has been – my live stream-of-consciousness while watching. For those who insist I’m missing the point, it seems to me there’s exactly one point this show makes, over and over, and by now we all know “It’s not ABOUT the zombies, it’s ABOUT the CHARACTERS! THEY are the REAL Walking Dead, MAAAANNNN!”

Can we just taken it as given that I’m reasonably aware of said point? Now, let us get started…

Coral count: One (FINALLY!)

-Oh no. Oh HELLLL no. The big ol’ stupid cop-out is happening. Glenn is not dead.

-I thought zombies operated by scent, which is how you can hide from them by being covered in dead guts. You are telling me none of them smells Glenn? Not a one? With the fresh gut-blood on him?

-And the next day, Glenn has wasted some of the water to wash his face. Again, how do they not smell the clean skin?

-Her name is Enid, and she lives in a ghost world. Reminds me of a better comic – I think it was called “The Girl Who Threw Stuff.”

-Now there’s more blood and dirt on Glenn’s face. Continuity!

-“What happened is what always happens.” Yep, true dat. This really isn’t a happy endings show.

-Now outside, Glenn’s face is cleaner again. I guess all exteriors were shot on the same day.

-So, the hole in the fence through which blood was coming. The walkers just gave up piling on that, or what?

-If the South ever rises again, it will be due to the constant assault on their accents by Rick and Maggie.

-Oh hey, reminding Rick of his dead wife seems like a GREAT idea right now. Or ever.

-Quizzical zombie looks vaguely bemused. Perhaps because he forgot what that toilet paper was for.

-Heh heh. Rick just casually pulling down Gabriel’s Jesus flyers.

-Kids and guns will save us all. And nothing about this scene is abnormal for Georgia.

-Sorry, kid, your excuses are transparent to Rick Grimes, Moral Compass of Everything.

-Morgan always looks like he’s about to cry and shit at the same time.

-Rick Grimes, Moral Compass of Everything, who will not give a gun to a trigger happy kid, is now upset that Morgan won’t kill people.

-“Things aren’t as simple as four words,” says Michonne. Sure they are – “Good ratings or cancellation!”

-The tower is starting to break. Foreshadowing!

-You’ve had plenty of time to catch your breath, Rick, considering how each week we seem to reset over and over to show the same events from different angles. And I’d listen to the sword-wielding woman who’s more badass than you both at killing zombies and at affecting a natural accent.

-Eugene in “Machete School”! That’s a movie pitch I’d say yes to.

-“Are the noises scaring you, or can I get back to my lesson?” I’m thinking the noises of a woman yelling terrify a socially awkward soul like Eugene more than anything.

-Enid within smelling distance of zombies, totally safe again. The ability to detect scent is deteriorating, clearly.

-Anyone excited at all by these “zombies on a plane” minisodes”? If so, can you explain to me why?

-“You point a gun at me and I’m the asshole?” YES. FOR BEING STILL ALIVE, GLENN.

-Green balloons! Perfect for celebrating Sheamus’ WWE title win. And Sheamus looks like Abraham. It all connects, in my head at least.

-This guy is reciting the list of things that scares him about Rick, and the first one he comes up with is “beard.”

-All these lectures today about why we owe it to people to stay alive. Fine – I won’t do suicide today.

-Gun kid steals bullets. That’s a little worse than cookies.

-Jackass:Walking Dead edition. All Spencer needs to be Steve-O is raw chicken in his pants.

-Tara flipping off Rick was perfect.

-Yes, Rick, after you have amply demonstrated this episode that you don’t care about or trust anyone in this town, they’re going to come to you with their plans. Not.

-Chris Hardwick promo unusually subdued. Maybe being bumped to 11p.m. does that.

-Picky, picky. You’re coming to the doctor for extra stuff, and now you’re testing her memory? Awww sheeeit, you got Carol’s attention. BTW, how old is baby Judith now, exactly?

-“The only thing that keeps you from becoming a monster is killing.” Heck of a life lesson to lay on a kid, Carol.

-The building shakes again. It might be mad that Deanna’s plans are disturbingly simple.

-“Hi, my name’s Rick and I could have been an even bigger asshole today. Let me explain how.”

-Five plus five green balloons, floating in the summer sky, prove to us that Glenn’s not dead, as long as they catch Maggie’s eye…

-TIMBURRRRRRR! The cracks in the building were actually the best foreshadowing in an episode for a long time.

-And I’m afraid I’ll have to miss a special message from Steven Yeun. Something about, “Sorry we pretended Glenn was dead,” maybe?