​Tomorrow, children will ask for candy from strangers, and largely, we as a people will be fine with it. Halloween rules. Kids get a bag full of candy bars, adults go to ridiculous parties, sluts are allowed to dress like whores, and generally everyone has a good time. Dentists too, since the candy creates the cavities that pays for their swimming pools, no matter what they'd like you to believe.

So today's contest is a simple one -- best or worst Halloween memories. Did you have a kickass costume? Meet your spouse at a Halloween party while dressed as a serial killer? Get a wad of cash from the crazy old man at the house on the corner? Lay it on me. As for the worst, did your costume fall off, rendering you nude in public? Discover your spouse actually was a serial killer at a Halloween party? Get punched by the old man at the house on the corner? You can also lay it on me.

I have a best story, and I know it's weird, but I have no idea how weird it is. You tell me. My younger brother and I -- helpfully pictured above; yes, I am Super Grover, and yes, I am totally awesome -- made candy forts. We'd dump out all of our candy on the living room floor, and assemble a fort out of them. The mini-candy bars became the walls and barricades; suckers were artillery; rolls of Smarties were cannons. And then we'd slowly destroy/eat our forts over the next few days and weeks. It was awesome.

You can enter once for Best and once for Worst, but that's it -- but please, no Worst stories that are genuinely tragic, because you'll just bum us all out (i.e., no death, if at all possible). And keep it short -- when I have to read 400 entries, the long ones get a bit difficult to follow, if you catch my drift. I'll pick a Best and Worst winner, and the contest ends at 12:01pm EST on Monday, November 2nd. All of you, have a happy Halloween, and make sure a child near you eats too much candy. Fuck that dentist guy.

I had seen the designs for Lil' Cthulhu before and dug 'em, but I did not know there was an accompanying cartoon until the dark sorcerer Christopher Beal spoken his cursed spell and revealed this horrible/adorable truth to me. Greatest cartoon ever? Greatest cartoon ever. I'm not kidding, if this was on TV, I would watch it every day until I began to gibber insanely... at its cuteness, of course.

​I hate to disappoint, but today's FFF is a tad on the short side (personal reasons), but I would like to think it what it lacks in quantity, it makes up for in quality. Because in this wonderful story by blazemaster90, titled "Yoda and Tequila," Yoda drinks tequila. And that should be all you need to know. I assure you, not a single character has been edited out, as you must experience this in its full glory. And so we begin:

it is quite night we find anakin skywalker walking the streets when all of a sudden a man had just robed some women anakin runs after the man

He robed them? Were they nude? Quite nice of the chap, I must say!

anakin:stop! get back

as anakin call out the man keeps running. going through a crowd he sneeks in to a night anakin follows him in. anakin see's the guy and use his force pull

guy:what the fuck are you doing muthafucker

anakin:shut up

I KNOW, RIGHT? Hit the jump, muthafucker!

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Hee hee hee. Hee hee! Oh, this was so obvious, but my hatred for the American-mandated, crappy CG Astro Boy knows no bounds, so this is just delightful. From the lovely Gia at AnimeVice:

In fact, the film, made by Hong Kong's Imagi Entertainment, outright bombed in Japan this weekend, pulling in a mere $328,457 USD across 200 screens. It didn't even make it onto the top ten list for the weekend, where Time Traveler's Wife, Kaiji, the Happy Science animated flick The Rebirth of Buddha, and Fast & Furious reside. Not good!

NO, NOT GOOD AT ALL. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN JAPAN'S MOST BELOVED CHARACTER AND STUCK HIM IN A SHITTY CG MOVIE WITH VIRTUALLY NO REGARD FOR HIS ORIGINAL STORIES, WHICH MOST OF JAPAN KNOWS BY HEART. AND PERHAPS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CAST NIC CAGE AS A VOICE ACTOR, BECAUSE THAT'S LIKE HIRING CHARLES MANSON AS A BABYSITTER. NEITHER OF THEM HAVE THE APPROPRIATE SKILL SETS. Seriously, Astro Boy is so popular in Japan that he's an official citizen -- really. So if you make an Astro Boy movie which can't beat Fast & Furious in Japan, you have failed beyond all measure. Well fucking done, assholes. Well fucking done.

​It seems like just Monday when I was showing a video of Mad Max director George Miller talking about the fourth Mad Max movie, and showing off the one car he'd apparently managed to have built for the production. But now -- according to far more reputable sites that the ones I got that erroneous Brian Blessed as Odin rumor from (I was so young and naive then!) -- Miller has his Max, and all that's left to do is sign the contract. That Max, should he prove Mad enough, is Tom Hardy (shown on the right), whose previous nerd roles include Praetor Shinzon in Star Trek: Nemesis, Matthew in Sweeney Todd, and Handsome Bob in Rocknrolla. Since it was highly unlikely that Mel Gibson would want to star in another Mad Max movie, or that Miller would want the elderly, Jew-hating Gibson to star in another Mad Max movie either, I'm fine with this. Thoughts?

I haven't covered Sega's Bayonetta game much on TR, because -- despite my intense attraction to the main character, not because of her truly ludicrous hair cone, but because of her glasses (oh, the glasses!) -- I just assumed it was going to be a crappy Devil May Cry clone with breasts. I mean, it's made by Sega, and besides, I could not suck more at Devil May Cry, for some reason. Not an unreasonable assumption, right? Well, something weird happened. Japan's premiere gaming mag gave Bayonetta a perfect score -- something less than a dozen games have received in that mag's lengthy history, which includes stuff like Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the Dreamcast Soul Calibur. This blows my mind; Famitsu is one of the few gaming reviews that actually matter. And it made me wonder -- could Bayonetta actually be awesome?
Well, after watching a dozen videos for the game of the past few days, I think it might be. I mean, watch that opening video above and notice she's fighting on a falling clock tower. That's absurd. A better video of her fighting is below:
That's just absurd. Sure, it's still Devil May Cry with breasts, but 1) it looks like it takes place in larger, open arenas than DMC's cramped, camera-hating rooms, which I very much approve of, and 2) it makes DMC look like fucking Nintendogs. Everything's been ramped up to 11, whether Bayonetta's kicking, shooting, doing witch stuff, or whatever. Plus, she's collecting halos from her enemies, which ends up looking like she's a sacrilegious Sonic. I may regret this, but I think I'm going to have to get it when the game comes out next year. I was almost willing to buy it for Bayonetta's glasses alone. If the game's genuinely that good, I am powerless to resist.

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Harrumph. Despite rumors that Brian Blessed was in the running to play Odin in Kenneth Branagh's Thor movie, Variety has now announced that Anthony Hopkins in fact has the role. Frankly, I'm disappointed. Not that Anthony Hopkins is bad, of course, but Brian Blessed is so awesome -- and so perfect for Odin, at least in my mind -- that Hopkins is a letdown. Crap. Guess I'll go watch I, Claudius again.

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Forget everything else. There's only one subject worth discussing in the national consciousness, and that, of course, is Mattel's Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken. Some of you doubted that the figure -- which we now know to come with the above accessories, including bermuda shorts -- to be real, just because Mattel doesn't update its Barbie site for shit. Well, a Mattel spokeswoman has indeed confirmed the doll as 100% authentic, and, in addition, explained the horrible, depraved story behind the toy's name to the New York Post:

"The 'Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken' is actually part of the adult Barbie Collector Line," the spokeswoman said. "It is targeted toward adults."

And before anyone thinks the "Sugar Daddy" title refers to an older man with a younger lover, Mattel says that there's a much more innocent explanation.

"The little dog's name is actually Sugar," said the Mattel spokeswoman. "That's where the name comes from. He's Sugar's daddy, as a reference to the dog."

Obviously, instead of giving money to teenage girls for sex like a normal sugar daddy, Palm Beach Ken has gone the more twisted route of fucking a dog and then raising the resulting puppy as his own. As twisted as that is, the most deviant aspect is that he calls the dog "Sugar." No wonder Barbie never seems to hang around him anymore. (Via Geek Girl Diva)

​By Cory Casciato

The wussification of vampires has been a long time coming, but the trend has reached its apex with the execrable Twilight series, which has all but sucked the life out the vampire genre. And unfortunately, many of us nerds lucky enough to have girlfriends will have to suffer through another installment of it all too soon, unless we're doubly lucky enough to have a nerd girlfriend who's immune to Twilight's emo charms (nerd girls, we doubt you have this problem). To steel yourself for the challenge, or just wash the away the taste after the experience, here are 10 vampire movies that don't suck. These are quality films starring horror's favorite bloodsuckers that are full of action, adventure, explosions, and pure brutality -- and absolutely no sparkling.