?Tomorrow, children will ask for candy from strangers, and largely, we as a people will be fine with it. Halloween rules. Kids get a bag full of candy bars, adults go to ridiculous parties, sluts are allowed to dress like whores, and generally everyone has a good time. Dentists too, since the candy creates the cavities that pays for their swimming pools, no matter what they’d like you to believe.
So today’s contest is a simple one — best or worst Halloween memories. Did you have a kickass costume? Meet your spouse at a Halloween party while dressed as a serial killer? Get a wad of cash from the crazy old man at the house on the corner? Lay it on me. As for the worst, did your costume fall off, rendering you nude in public? Discover your spouse actually was a serial killer at a Halloween party? Get punched by the old man at the house on the corner? You can also lay it on me.
I have a best story, and I know it’s weird, but I have no idea how weird it is. You tell me. My younger brother and I — helpfully pictured above; yes, I am Super Grover, and yes, I am totally awesome — made candy forts. We’d dump out all of our candy on the living room floor, and assemble a fort out of them. The mini-candy bars became the walls and barricades; suckers were artillery; rolls of Smarties were cannons. And then we’d slowly destroy/eat our forts over the next few days and weeks. It was awesome.
You can enter once for Best and once for Worst, but that’s it — but please, no Worst stories that are genuinely tragic, because you’ll just bum us all out (i.e., no death, if at all possible). And keep it short — when I have to read 400 entries, the long ones get a bit difficult to follow, if you catch my drift. I’ll pick a Best and Worst winner, and the contest ends at 12:01pm EST on Monday, November 2nd. All of you, have a happy Halloween, and make sure a child near you eats too much candy. Fuck that dentist guy.