Assault Foiled by Son’s Lightsaber, Nerdiness


The most pathetic attacker in England was shamed forever when, while trying to attack a mother outside a bakery in Swardeston, he was beaten off by the mom’s 11-year-old, wielding a toy lightsaber (according to Fox News and the Sun).

While this might be the first time in recorded history a child used a lightsaber for public good instead of total embarrassment, we think it’s important to note that the would-be-attacker?reportedly in his 30s?was clearly an enormous pussy, or perhaps developmentally disabled.

Also, in five to ten years, when the boy’s mother tells this story to his girlfriends, it’s not going to get him laid. ? Rob

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.