By Rob Bricken
The Consumer Electronic Show?better known as C.E.S.?is the biggest business show in the world, for good reason: it?s where all the companies that matter show off their wares and new technology for the year. So there?s always awesome and awesomely crazy gear and gadgets to be seen. Topless Robot failed to send me out there to cover it, but they did graciously allow me to read Gizmodo, Engadget, IGN, Cnet and other sites to find the eight coolest things from this year?s show. Enjoy!
8) Vida Air Guitar Rocker
Is Guitar Hero or Rock Band just too structured for you? Then there?s simply one option left to would-be rockers?the Vida Air Guitar Rocker. Take the pick and play one of five songs, as broadcast from the accompanying, skull-adorned belt buckle, which also judges your mastery of the air guitar. It?s officially Guitar Hero-branded, so it should have some good tunes when it?s released in March.
7) IRobot Looj
As a new homeowner, I?ve been faced with the problem of reconciling of doing house maintenance with my physically unfit, nerdy lifestyle. IRobot has a partial solution: the Looj, a robot that cleans gutters via remote control. Check out Engadget for a snazzy video demonstration.
You don?t have to be a raging alcoholic to be excited about Heineken and Krups? Beertender (but it helps). It holds one of those 5-liter Heineken mini-kegs available at your larger chain grocery stores, and miraculously keeps the delicious beer inside fresh for 30 days, for a low $400. Although if one of those mini-kegs lasts you 30 days, please don?t talk to me. Available in April.
5) Panasonic 150-Inch Plasma TV
I didn?t take any marketing classes back in college, but I?d like to suggest a tagline for Panasonic?s amazingly gigantic TV: ?It?s more than 12 feet long, fuckers!? You can make your checks out to Rob Bricken, or I will also accept a product sample.
4) Pioneer Kuro 9mm-wide TV
As Gizmodo proves, this TV is thinner than an iPhone. It?s cool and all, but where the hell are the 150-inch-long, 9mm-wide TVs? Jesus, are we living in the Stone Age or something?
3) Alienware Curved Monitor
DLP and 2880 x 900 pixels. Zero reasons to ever leave the house (once it comes out in the fall).
2) MyVu Personal Video Monitor
It?s taken forever, but someone has finally designed video-playing glasses that don?t make you look like an asshole. These slim, stylish shades from MyVu hook up to any portable video player, like an iPod, and makes it look like you?re watching your own private big-screen TV. While not looking like a douchebag.
1) Starry Night Sleep Technology Bed
First off, this bed from Leggett & Platt is comfy. Second, it contains a 1080p video projector, 5.1surround sound and an iPod dock. Third, it has adjustable angles on all four quarters of the bed (both head and feet for two sleepers) plus adjustable temperatures on both sides. Finally, it knows when you?re snoring, and moves your head until your passageway clears and you stop. Is it really just a bed?or proof of a just and loving God?