I Take It Back?THIS is the Nerdiest Thing Ever Made


I have to be honest with you guys; when I was in junior high and early high school, I played a great deal of Dungeons & Dragons. Worse, I read a lot of D&D novels; not the Dragonlance ones, much, which were bad but at least had their own fantasy world; instead I read the Forgotten Realms novels, which were the most generic and execrable fantasy books ever created. In particular, I read R.A. Salvatore, and followed the character of Drizzt Do’Urden?the on good-hearted dark elf who had two magical scimitars and a pet panther?with mad abandon.

I re-read one of those novels for kicks in my freshman year of college, and was astounded at how mercilessly awful it was. Being now over 30, I shudder to wonder what I would think of them today. All that said, when I think of myself at my nerdiest, most socially awkward, most vile, I think immediately of Drizzt, and thus have more or less felt the character to represent the pinnacle of socially awkward, vile nerdiness.

So anyways, now you can buy his swords, and I swear to God I’m not kidding here, named Twinkle…

…and Icingdeath.

If you thought those names were for small gay men and morbidly obese people, respectively, you were wrong. They’re magic swords. And know you know.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.