Zombie Attacks Conan the Barbarian
I apologize that the headline above is far cooler than the actual news, but that’s the way is goes in faux journalism, sometimes. Bloody-Disgusting.com is 100% certain that horror-shlock-meister Rob Zombie is talking to Lion’s Gate about directing the next Conan the Barbarian film. While I’m going to daydream that this means Conan will be beheading any one of the wretched “characters” from House of 1,000 Corpses?most especially Captain Spaulding?I’m certain Zombie won’t do anything that satisfying. Much more likely he’ll do awful like adding Spaulding to a Conan movie, but nothing so decent as having him brutally murdered by a raging Cimmerian.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.