The 10 Geekiest Cocktails Ever

cocktail.jpgBy Zach Oat

As long as grown men keep reading D.C. comic books and George Lucas keeps destroying films, there will always be geek-drink drunks, ready to create a drink and name it after a fictional character, although not necessarily in that order. Because there is no definitive list of these drinks?most drinking is done in remote areas with no Internet access?there are usually several different versions of the same drink, and sometimes two completely different drinks will be named for the same member of the New Avengers. But as long the drink has a geeky name and/or an unusual color, it is a geeky drink, and these are ten of the geekiest drinks I could find. Note how many involve blue Curacao.

10) The Han Solo
3/4 oz. vodka
3/4 oz. gin
3/4 oz. triple sec
3/4 oz. rum
1 oz. bourbon whiskey
2 oz. sweet and sour mix
1 oz. Wild Turkey 101 bourbon whiskey

Fill a highball glass with ice. Build drink in order, topping it with the Wild Turkey 101. Add lemons to taste.

Everyone wants to be Han Solo, and if Han Solo hangs out in bars, then, dammit, they?re gonna hang out in bars, too. Might even shoot somebody. But we doubt they?ll order this drink. Maybe a Long Island Iced Tea, but not this.

9) The Indiana Jones
1/2 shot tequila
1/2 shot whiskey
1 shot champagne or sparkling wine

Add the whisky to tequila in a highball class, then add the champagne. Put your hand or a beer mat over the glass, slam it down onto table and then down it in one.

This must be what Indy was drinking after he thought Marion died?no wonder the Egyptians were looking a him funny. Ironically dissimilar to the Han Solo, it instead combines instant results with a sense of urgency?pure Indy. Plus, you get to say ?Whiskey?? in that voice he uses just before he hits a sherpa with a bottle.

8) The Death Star
1 oz. Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1 oz. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey
1 oz. triple sec
2 oz. Coca-Cola
1 oz. vodka
2 oz. sweet and sour mix

Pour all ingredients into a highball glass almost filled with ice cubes. Stir briefly, and serve.

Somehow, I didn?t expect a drink called the ?Death Star? to include Coca-Cola in its ingredients. Doesn?t that take a little bit of the edge off of it, and thereby cause it to fail to live up to its name? What, do you garnish your Irish Car Bomb with Skittles? The Death Star should be pure grain alcohol, plus some ether, and your wallet should be missing when you wake up.

7) The Yoda
1 part blue Curacao
1 part sour mix
1 part Midori melon liqueur
2 parts Sour Apple Pucker
1 splash vodka
1/2 handful ice

Mix the sour mix and blue Curacao together in a shaker until correct shade of green acquired. Add remaining ingredients, mix again, then pour over ice

Any drink where its color is more important than its taste or its overall effect on your long-term memory is pretty geeky. I mean, how many bartenders keep Pantone color charts behind the bar? I pity the staff of whichever T.G.I. Friday?s is closest to the next Star Wars Celebration.

6) The Kermit
1/2 oz. Bacardi rum
1/2 oz. Pisang Ambon
1/2 oz. blue Curacao
1/2 oz. banana liqueur

Add ice and shake. Top off with orange juice in a highball glass.

It?s not easy being green, but when you?re choosing ALL of your ingredients based on their colors, you might as well just give up. You?ve got a green liqueur already in the Ambon, do you really need the blue Curacao? Or yet another banana-flavored liqueur? Maybe you should just ask yourself: is this fruity concoction going to make the Muppets better, or scarier?

5) The Ecto Cooler

1 Package Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid mix
20 oz. vodka
1 lemon, sliced
1 lime, sliced
1 cup sugar (or more for taste)
Mix all ingredients in a large (1/2 gallon) pitcher, fill with water and ice, shake and enjoy!

Ah, Ecto-Cooler. You were our drink of choice when we were eating lunch in the schoolyard from our Ghostbusters lunch boxes, and now, after some age-appropriate emboozening, you?re our drink of choice for sitting in front of the TV, waiting for the new Ghostbusters video game and weeping softly. Who you gonna call? Your ex-girlfriend. (Don?t worry, you won?t remember doing it.)

4) The Incredible Hulk
1 oz. Grape Pucker or Razmatazz
1 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. Apple Pucker
1/2 oz. Midori Melon

Pour the Grape Pucker into a pint glass, then fill the glass with ice. In a martini shaker, combine the vodka, Apple Pucker and Midori Melon with ice and shake vigorously for 5-10 seconds. Over the back of a spoon, slowly strain the vodka/Apple/Melon mixture into the pint glass, so as not to disturb the cordials at the bottom. Drink it with a straw starting at the bottom.

Most Hulk drink recipes fall under the standard ?make it green? category, but I had to go with the one that actually involves different-colored layers of booze, so that your green Hulk can have purple pants. This drink is where alcoholism and artistry meet, and make delicious, balance-affecting babies.

3) The Batman
11 oz. Battery energy drink
1 1/3 oz. Gordon’s dry gin
10 cubes ice

Mix all. Serve cold.

Bruce Wayne should totally have Alfred fill his utility belt with these bad boys. (You know he has a portable cocktail kit in there somewhere.) An energy drink with gin in it? That?ll make him more vigilant AND dull his nerve endings so he doesn?t feel quite so much pain! Also, it?s always better if you?re a little drunk when you go and try to punch Bane in the face.

2) The Spider-Man
1 oz. cherry liqueur
1 oz. raspberry liqueur
2 oz. tequila
1/8 packet Pop Rocks

Mix liqueurs and tequila in average-sized glass, add pop rocks. Drink it fast?careful, it jumps.

I found a couple of recipes for a drink called the Spider-Man, but only one had FUCKING POP ROCKS IN IT. Yeah, drink it fast, kids! Then hold your nose and close your mouth and maybe your brain will shoot into space! Why don?t you put some Mentos into a 2-liter of Coke for a chaser? Geeky for actually including candy.

1) The Vulcan Mind Meld
1 part ouzo
1 part 151 proof rum

Pour ingredients into double shot glass. Drink quickly.

Again, with the ?drink quickly.? It?s a shot, of course you drink it quickly. That?s how shots work. That?s also how Vulcan mind melds work. You quickly go to stop your friend from irradiating himself, then he quickly knocks you out and very quickly inserts his consciousness into your goddamn brain. Then, ever so quickly, you find yourself in the middle of a bar, talking to the ugliest dude in the room, and he?s telling you that he?s gonna need more money, and maybe some permits. Permits for what? You don?t know. You just had five Vulcan Mind Melds?quickly, mind you?and all you know is that these aren?t your clothes.