The 8 Mistakes That Will Destroy Your Geek Cred
By Rob Bricken and Mo Fathelbab
It might be hard for a pimp, but it?s pretty damn hard for a geek nowadays, too. With the popularity of science fiction, fantasy, comic and anime, geeks have a reputation to keep up?and it?s not as easy as everyone might think. There are plenty of mistakes that can lead one to lose their geek cred, and some of those blunders can be pretty tempting to make. But don?t you do it! Here are the eight biggest mistakes a geek can make.
8) Dissing the upcoming Star Trek film
Even the Star Wars fans who have traditionally hated Star Trek for being?well, not Star Wars?should be legitimately excited by the upcoming Trek filmed, directed by J. J. Abrams. Abrams created Lost, made Mission: Impossible 3 shockingly good, and frankly, will likely be doing all geeks a favor by making a genuinely excellent Trek film. So stop whining on message boards about it, you traitors.
7) Not owning at least one irregularly shaped die
Unless you?ve spent at least a portion of your life playing Dungeons & Dragons or some other pen-n?-paper role-playing game, you cannot be truly considered a geek. Unless you have that singular experience (points), you?re just some nerd who like sci-fi movies. Whether you play now or not, you must still be in possession of one non-six-side die?be it a 1d4, 1d8, 1d10, 1d12, 1d20, or even the legendary 1d100, just in case. Of course, if you have more than 10 Magic: the Gathering cards, you?re excused.
6) Not having seen the entirety of at least one Joss Whedon series
Whether it be Buffy, Angel or Firefly, you can?t possibly be taken seriously as a geek unless you?ve seen one (or more likely all) of his TV series. Whedon is truly the new god of sci-fi/fantasy, and you have to pay your dues…otherwise, your conversations with your fellow geeks are going to get pretty awkward.
5) Not having an Apple product
Fine, you need that high-powered laptop PC for your 36-hour marathons of World of Warcraft. Fine. But if you have any MP3 player other than an iPod, you?re not a geek, you?re just a geek poseur. We?re assuming everyone who owns an actual Mac computer owns an iPod, naturally.
4) Liking the Star Wars Prequels
Sure, you might have found Revenge of the Sith significantly less shitty than the other two films. But you have to remember that Sith isn?t particularly good, it?s just not as awful as the first two. The prequels irrevocably fucked up the purity of the original Star Wars trilogy, and should be loathed by all true geeks. Not even Samuel L. Jackson as badass Mace Windu can save these duds from the fiery lava pits Hayden Christensen should have stayed in.
3) Not knowing a word of Japanese
You don?t necessarily have to be an anime fan to be a geek (but it sure helps!) but given Japan?s status as the geek mecca from its movies, technology and yes, anime, you gotta know a little of the language to be considered a geek. Even if it?s just to order sushi, you baka.
2) Setting up an Internet network and not naming it Skynet, OCP or Nexus-6
Al Gore invented the Internet specifically for geeks to name things. To not take advantage of this can amount to sacrilege.
1) Having a girlfriend
We all know that ?geeks? are technically ?cool? now?the media?s been pushing the story for a decade at least. But the fact of the matter is if you have the social skills to acquire and keep a girlfriend for more than a week, you?re hardly a geek. True geeks have to lust after the 2-D and 3-D girls from their comics, games, and cartoons (although special exceptions have been made for all sexy Trek and Battlestar Galactica actresses).