Alex Winter Needs to be Put on Suicide Watch

I saw this news yesterday, but assumed?for my own sanity?that is was just another April’s Fools bit of nonsense. Alas, it seems to be real?there’s going to be another Bill & Ted movie, but without Bill and Ted. Yes, they’re remaking Excellent Adventure for a new generation, and Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves aren’t involved (although I bet if anybody asked Winter, he’d be available). Sez Moviehole:

Bill & Ted are two Year 10 students, on the verge of failing their school year (the principal, Principal Baumheiser, is their main adversary), when they discover a way to travel through time ? yes, it?s by way of a phone again, albeit a funkier one than that in the original ? to meet some of the characters they?re supposed to have learnt about at school. They met Gandhi, Calamity Jane? the list goes on. The next week, Bill & Ted have to present a ?full presentation of every class? they?re failing, which is all of them.
Oh, and as for Wyld Stallions? They?re retired. Bill & Ted?s group, in this film, is ?Atomic Gorillas?. Ha.
The pages of the script that I?ve seen indicate that the film has been updated for the audience of today … and the screenwriter has gone out of his way to throw in a bunch of references to all the cool and hip stuff the youngin?s are into today (for instance, Bill & Ted are worried that they?re going to miss ?The Dark Knight?).

I think I speak for most of us when I say BLEURGH and throw up all over myself. Fuck the new generation. I say our old generation needs a new Bill & Ted movie way more than they do, and we demand at the very least Alex Winter back (seriously, his MTV show Idiot Box was great, as I recall). Damn you, young people! With your long hair and cell phones and rock and roll music…