Fan Fiction Friday: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawn in “TeenHook”

If Sagat’s impossibly toned butt doesn’t strike your fancy, I’m today’s Fan Fiction will. It’s an epic tale of Buffy, that indomitable vampire slayer, and her cute-as-a-button sister Dawn, and more specifically, about Buffy prostituting Dawn against her will. I’m not going to lie; this story is a pretty challenging read, but that’s because author TinkerBell is such an artist. Honestly, I feel “TeenHook” is more of a tone poem than a short story, per se. For instance, it’s made up entirely of stanzas like this:

Buffy watched Dawn as she laid on her bed reading. ? that position just make her boobs look bigger, I wanna suck them? she thought when she heard the bell.
– Yes? ? she asked as she answered
– I?m here for the teen puss? ? a man answered
– Oh yes! Race?
– Stromin
– Not familiar with your kind ? the man smirked
– I feed on the juices??. ? Buffy made a pleased squeal
– What do you intend on doing?
– Just suck her
– $200 ? he handed her the money and Buffy just told him to wait.

That’s the second stanza of the six that make up “TeenHook” (I’m sorry to not show you the first stanza, which includes this line from Buffy: “Here is the deal, I have a teen puss home. I want to make some money. Spread the word!”). The lack of quotations, the refusal to indentify speakers…I think TinkerBell wants we readers to see ourselves not only in the teen puss-seeking stranger, but Dawn as well. We are violators and being violated. Why TinkerBell uses “puss” instead of the more traditional “pussy” I have no idea.

To make a short story shorter, the stranger recommends making Dawn’s breasts bigger, which strikes Buffy as a grand notion. But after a boob-enhancing spell, there’s a twist in Buffy pimp plan when the phone rings!

– Hello, I?m calling about the teen puss? ? a man?s voice said ? I would like to know if there is any chance she may be for sale?
– If I were to sell it would cost a lot of money, and she hasn?t finished her training yet?
– Buffy answered
– I?ll take her anyway
– She?ll be ready to go in 2 hours?

That Buffy is one savvy negotiator, a fact I never truly picked up in the TV series. Alas, all good things must come to an end, and “TeenHook” ends with both whimsy and melancholy.

Dawn watched as Buffy made her bags putting only trashy clothes and no underwear, keeping all the good stuff for herself.
– Buffy, please let me take some better clothes ? she begged
– You won?t be needing them
– At least some underwear?
– No! ? Buffy approached smiling evilly ? I want the buyer to see what a slut you are ….

You guys are welcome to read the whole thing here, and I invite all you English grads to debate the metaphor of the underwear in the comments.