Fan Fiction Friday: Monty Python in “Silencing Mike”

pythonnnnn.gifToday’s FFF was a suggestion by devoted TR reader and beloved crooner Paul Anka (loved you in Girls’ Town, Paul!). I don’t know why Paul was searching through the “celeb” section of, but he’s found another Monty Python-inspired tale of lust, this one far less consensual than the first. Author Montypythonfan2002 wants to let you know it’s set somewhere in the third season, not that it particularly matters except Cleese is still around.

There goes Michael again, yapping and yapping away. He never shuts up. All day long (an even during the night when the team works overtime), he talks and talks. Mostly about his plans for the weekend, his complications, his ideas, his complaints? everything. The rest of the Python group started to get annoyed at him for yapping so much, too much.
After shooting some sketches, the team stopped by the snack table for a five-minute break. While Michael was going to the bathroom, the group gathered closer around to talk amongst themselves. They didn?t want any of the cameramen or extras to hear their conversation, afraid they will snitch on them to Mike.
?What a relief, we don?t have to listen to Mike for the moment,? Terry commented, biting into an orange slice.
?He just yaps away, doesn?t he?? Eric added. ?He just wouldn?t shut up.?
?I wonder if he is this talkative when getting fucked in the ass,? Graham wondered as he was pouring the coffee into his mug.

?Maybe we should try it out and test Gray?s theory,? John explained. ?I have a plan…?

I don’t want to spoil John’s amazing plan?you’ll have to hit the jump.

John amazing pan is to?wait for it?rape Michael Palin repeatedly! A shiny nickel for everyone who guessed it.

Even during his dreams Michael could sense something wasn?t quite right. He woke up with a strange feeling, for he already could tell that he was not lying in his own bed. This bed was much softer, as he preferred a firmer bed. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself blindfolded. He moved his hand to remove the blindfold to find his hands tied to the head of the bed. He was rendered practically helpless.
He started to panic. Where was he? Why was he tied up like this? He then realized he was naked as well. What the fuck? Someone actually had the audacity to strip him while he was asleep.
He startled when he heard the sound of a door opening and faint footsteps coming in.
?What?s going on?? Mike demanded. ?Where am I??
No answer. Typical of kidnappers.

?W-what are you doing?? Mike demanded, fear evident in his voice.
The man said nothing. Instead, he reached down and grasped his captive?s limp cock and started stroking it. Michael gasped, his whole body bucking with shock. He hadn?t expected this, and he felt his body slowly betraying him. He didn?t want this, but his body did.

?Oh, God!? Michael gasped, writhing on the bed with excitement and confusion.
The man stopped and then moved on to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the other. Michael tried to block off the pleasurable sensations going through him without avail.
?Who are you? Why are you doing this? I?m not gay, you know. I?m a straight guy, I?m not interested in this kind of thing. Can you at least remove my blindfold?? he started rambling.
The man stopped and moved down Michael?s body. He grasped Michael?s legs and pushed them up and apart. Holding them in the air, he bent down and softly licked Michael?s tiny hole.

Suffice to say, all five Pythons?even Gilliam gets his chance?anally rapes the living bejeezus out of poor Michael Palin, who, like virtually everyone raped in fan fiction, loves it immensely. It’s incredibly graphic, and involves far too much bodily fluids for me to repost anymore than the above, but it ends after one of the Pythons calls Palin a slut while fucking him, and Palin passes out from the anal ecstasy. The next morning…

As he was driving, he was in deep thought. Was it all a dream? Was the most intense sex that he ever experienced a dream? His ass was sore, but Michael just thought that it was psychological. He must have fallen asleep, dreamt about sex, then woken up back in his own bed. It had to be a dream. But then why was his ass still sore?

He had not said a word except for his lines the whole day. The whole group noticed the change in him, but they were slightly relieved that he was not yapping away as usual. The day ended with filming the last sketch of their episode. With a bit of editing and final touches, the episode would be done.

Michael shoved the last of the costume back into the closet and went back to the stage. He grabbed his keys on the table and muttered good-bye to the Python group. As he walked towards the door, he passed by Terry G., who was coming in.
Michael froze and spun around. Terry was hurriedly walking towards the group, who were all lined up watching them. Michael stared after him, then to the rest of his friends. Did he hear that right? Slut? It then donned on him.
?Oh, God.?

I’ve known a few overtalkative people in my time, but this had not occurred to me as a solution. But it’s very comforting to know if I’m ever raped by a group of British comedians, I’ll obviously have the time of my life. You can read the whole thing here, but I wouldn’t recommend it.