Thanks to Iron Man’s Success, the Avengers Will Be Assembling in Theaters

As we’ve noted, Marvel’s feeling pretty good today. And amidst doing rails of cocaine down rows of dozens of prostitutes (all lined up), Marvel took a moment to discuss their future plans. You can read the full press release here, but it’s pretty boring and I’ve got the important news below:

? There will not only be an Iron Man sequel in 2010, but a Thor movie as well
? In 2011, there will be an “Avengers-themed two-picture project,” including Captain America: The First Avenger and The Avengers

If this news has made you shit your ants, rest assured you’re in good company (mine). The only sad part of the Iron Man movie for me was seeing the Sam Jackson/Nick Fury cameo and knowing it was just a huge tease, since there was no Avengers film in sight. Admittedly, there’s no way to know what the movie will be, if Jackson or Downey or anyone will star in it, or it’ll actually get made, but it’s nice to think it might.

But I wouldn’t be a nerd if I didn’t find something to criticize, so here goes: I think Thor is going to flop. I don’t think there’s possibly a way to make a Thor movie accessible to modern movie-goers without taking away everything the comic fans love, just because of his weird mythological origins and all that. Thor has no alter-ego to speak of (don’t talk to me about Donald Blake), and thus there’s nothing for mainstream audiences to wrap their heads around. And I’m worried that if a Thor movie tanks, it could fuck up an Avengers movie, which strikes fear even into my cold, shriveled, black heart.

Likewise, I think it’d be a mistake to make a Captain America solo movie before an Avengers movie. Partially because Captain America’s origin is 100% tied up in the Avengers, and I’m a bitter nerd who would cry if they changed it. But mostly I think given the heat of Iron Man (and potentially the Incredible Hulk), the Avengers is a sure bet right now, and a solo Cap movie would have more to gain after an Avengers movie introduced him, and not have to deal with the origin stuff. Additionally, I think you could introduce Thor in an Avengers movie, see how audiences dig Thor, and then judge if a solo movie could work.

Last but not least, I also feel that The Ultimates is pretty much the best Avengers story ever, and Marvel would be fools not to use it as a template for an Avengers movie. I’m sure they want to take out some of the dark stuff like the Wasp/Giant-Man domestic dispute, but the evil Nazi aliens storyline is gold. And it would be easy to sub in the movie Iron Man and Hulk into it. And it would serve as the perfect intro for mass audiences to Cap, which would lead naturally to a solo Cap movie.

Stay tuned for more “Enormous Nerd Rants I Come Up with When I Can’t Go to Sleep” on Topless Robot. (Via Newsarama)