Well, Smurf Me in the Smurf
Two sentences I had hoped never to hear or read, from this Variety article announcing a new Smurfs movie:
“
We’re very excited to introduce a new generation to Papa Smurf, Smurfette and the other smurftastic Smurfs in all of their ‘three-apple-tall’ glory,” [said]Columbia co-president Doug Belgrad.
If you didn’t throw up in your mouth at that sentence, congratulations, you’re a robot. But here’s the worse news:
“Smurfs” marks SPA’s first hybrid film — a subgenre that proved popular given the success of 20th Century Fox’s “Alvin and the Chipmunks.”
Yes, the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie has spawned, and thus has wrought more terrible, further reaching consequences than anyone ever dreamed of. If you need me, I’ll be finding out how much I need to drink to have the courage to commit suicide.
About The Author
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.