The video quality isn’t great, and it involves a guy named “miraged” introducing it for a full minute, first but if you wanted to see the ridiculous but ridiculously awesome Critical Finish movies of the characters of Soul Calibur IV before it comes out on Friday, here’s your ticket. The highlights:
? Yoda throwing his lightsaber into his opponent’s chest, it what seems to be a devastating if highly un-Jedi-like attack.
? Raphael the fencer being a vampire. The hell?
? Sophitia getting Zeus to help out with a lightning bolt.
? Cassandra beating her opponent by sitting on their face while hearts shoot from her crotch. Twice. Swear to god.
? Mitsurugi cutting someone so bad they catch on fire.
? Many, many Soul Calibur characters knocking their opponents into the air only to do something hideously and hilarious cruel to them while on their way back down, such as throwing a spear into them, and inevitably making them fly off screen.
? Rock making an elephant noise after he wins.
? Swordswoman Setsuka’s hilariously large breasts beating Ivy’s hilariously large breasts.
And speaking of, you might want to check out TR sister site Heartless Doll‘s great list of the 10 most ridiculous ladies’ undergarments in videogames, because Soul Calibur is very naturally featured. Ladies, you can laugh, and gents, you can stare at pictures of videogame girls in their skivvies and help perpetuate the problem.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.