New Red Hulk Marvel Legends Wave Raises Disturbing Questions About the Silver Surfer’s Crotch

Please look at the Silver Surfer’s groin, if you will.

You’re looking at the Silver Savage figure from the Target-exclusive Red Hulk Build-a-Figure Marvel Legend wave from Hasbro. For those who don’t know, the Silver Savage is just the Silver Surfer, but when he’s fighting gladiator-style on Planet Hulk. For those who don’t know why I’m asking you to stare at his junk, it’s because he has a loincloth on. This is opposed to him not wearing a loincloth, underwear, or any kind of pants for the previous 40 years.

What. The. Fuck.

Now, I haven’t read “Planet Hulk,” but there are only two reasons I can think of why the Silver Surfer might suddenly be wearing something over his groinocological area, and I’m not sure what it more disturbing. Either he suddenly has something to cover up there (and if he has suddenly sprouted a willy, please don’t tell me why or how)?or, he’s decided to start wearing underpants since HE’S HAD A PENIS THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. Clearly, it would be some type of alien-penis, since it’s appeared to be a superheroic bulge to us humans, but OH GOD OH GOD NOOOO.

Comic readers might have been looking at the Silver Surfer’s space-genitals for the last 40 years and not known about it, while Stan Lee cackled in perverse delight. At any rate, you can see the other figures from this Legends wave?Adam Warlock, Black Spidey, Spiral, Union Jack, X-Force Wolverine, and the Red Hulk?over at Marvelous News.