A Brief Discussion of Trap-Jaw’s Nipples

Justin Marks wrote the script for the upcoming He-Man and the Masters of the Universe movie, which some nerds with more influence than I (enough to have gotten their hands on said script, at least) have termed “kick-ass.” I was very happy about this, but Marks just talked to MTV about, among other things, Trap-Jaw’s nipples. And it disturbed me.

?The script is very true to the characters ? we?re not talking about putting nipples on the Trapjaw suit. But we had to come up with a reason again why Trapjaw would actually not just be something that?s totally absurd, but why he would need those bionic parts added to him,? Marks insisted. ?Which gives a sort of sense of where [the movie]is going in some way.?

Uh…what? Trap-Jaw is Trap-Jaw because half his jaw has been replaced by big hunk of metal. Case closed.

?I grew up on the ?He-Man? cartoon and watched ?He-Man? six days a week. The notion that I think we most took from the cartoon are the characters, and trying to find a way that is true to them,? he said of his planned adaptation, which is currently in development at Warner Brothers. ?Now, at the same time, we had to come up with why that is the way it is. I mean you?re talking about sword-and-sandal meets science fiction meets fantasy meets everything, and how does that all kind of blend into the same world? And so we had to come up with very specific rules that explained why Trapjaw looks the way he looks, and why Cyclops ? who is awesome ? looks the way he looks.?

No. No you don’t. This is He-Man. The villain is a dude with a skull for a face, and the main characters transforms from a boy into a huge, tan, mostly naked man by holding a sword in the air. Trying to explain half that shit will take up most of the movie; if you have to explain Trap-Jaw, Tri-Klops, Beast-Man, Mekaneck, Ram-Man and the rest, you’re going to have either a 40-hour movie or a really shitty two-hour one. The world of He-Man just is, Justin.