Jesus Hates 20th Century Fox


You know why? Because Jesus wants to watch Watchmen too. That’s why the son of God has clearly decided to smite 20th Century Fox, plaguing it with its worst summer in years, and giving it the short end of the superhero movie stick. From a lengthy Variety article about Fox’s woes:

While rival studios were serving up edgy R-rated comedies like “Pineapple Express” and “Tropic Thunder,” Fox looked almost retro with such mild retreads as “Meet Dave” and “The Rocker.” That left “What Happens in Vegas” — the studio’s top pic of the summer with an $80.2 million domestic haul — to battle opponents. Of the six majors, Fox was the only studio that failed to launch a $100 million domestic earner this summer (by contrast, Warner Bros., Paramount and Universal each had three).

Of the eight films Fox released between May 2 and Sept. 1, only “Vegas” benefited from good word of mouth — which was reflected not only by the box office, but by critical reaction. M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening” drew abysmal reviews (19% positive reviews according to Rotten Tomatoes) and took in just $64.5 million. “Space Chimps” ($28.9 million, 33% positive rating), “Mirrors” ($25.4 million, 16%), “X-Files: I Want to Believe” ($20.8 million, 33%), “Meet Dave” ($11.7 million, 20%), “Babylon A.D.” ($11.5 million, 5%) and “The Rocker” ($5.8 million, 36%). Conversely, critics fawned over such summer performers as “Dark Knight” (94%) and “Wall-E” (97%).

I’d like to add HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Serves you fuckers right. But that’s not all of Fox’s worries. Now granted, the studio will be releasing X-Men Origins: Wolverine next year, but listen to their plans after that:

On the agenda, Fox will mull the possibility of more “X-Men” spinoffs, including a young-X-Men project as well as “Deadpool,” based on a character played by Ryan Reynolds in “Wolverine.” The studio is even considering reviving the “Daredevil” property.

Yep. So while Marvel will make jillions with their Iron Man sequel, Captain America, Thor and Avengers flicks, Fox is trying to decide whether to make a Deadpool movie with Ryan Reynolds or a new Daredevil flick. If this isn’t karma for fucking with Watchmen, I don’t know what is.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.