Of Star Trek Spoilers and Sex Predators

There’s been a small flurry of new Star Trek movie news, beginning with these unfortunate two character posters, which seem like artsy sexual offender mug shots. There’s no way Kirk there doesn’t have a pocket full of roofies for whatever woman holding a beverage accidentally walks his way, while Spock’s look implies he has a basement full of the younger cadets, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, a few folks (not TR, goddammit) have seen both the upcoming Trek trailer and 20 minutes of the film, and have described it online after surely an NDA. Here’s the trailer as described by Den of Geek, which is innocent enough for all fans:

The trailer for Star Trek starts off looking more like a 70s road movie, as a young Kirk (Chris Pine) drives a beat-up old Chevy round the ranges of Iowa in search of a few thrills before over-estimating his own braking power. Pretty soon his car is plunging a few thousand feet and he’s being rescued from a literal cliff-hanging situation by a rather robotic-looking Iowa traffic cop, who’s just descended from his floating ride to help the young rebel out. They’re really going for the ‘bad boy’ bit with Pine’s Kirk, as we shall find out in the full-length scenes.

Much of the content of the rest of the trailer contains material covered in the scenes that we were shown afterwards, and the slow Kirk-in-trouble scene quickly gives way to the usual epilepsy-inducing quick-cuts, showing some pretty spectacular space battles, the Enterprise under construction in the fields of Iowa (being regarded by an awed Kirk, not yet enrolled in Starfleet), a roll-call of all the returning characters and?Uhura (Zoe Saldana) stripping down to her bra (for some reason – I’m not complaining, it’s a very nice sight, but it’s a bit of a cheap shot for a film with this much going for it). The trailer concludes with Romulan villain Nero (Eric Bana) declaring portentously ‘The wait is over’?.

That sound you hear is Nichelle Nichols crying. But for some major movie spoilers?including Nimoy’s cameo revealed?beam on past the jump.

Den of Geek saw four different scenes, which include Kirk hitting on Uhura and getting the crap kicked out of him, a few appearances by Pike (the first captain of the Enterprise), Kirk and Sulu battling Romulans with swords, and more. You can actually read it all here, and you totally should. But here’s what I found interesting:

The following section zips to ten minutes later. Kirk is sitting opposite Pike with cotton wool stuffed up his nose to stop the bleeding, while Pike remonstrates with him for being constantly in trouble and failing to enlist in Starfleet in spite of his genius-level test scores. “You could have your own starship in eight years”, he promises. The scene concludes with Pine reminding Kirk that his own father was captain of a starship for only 12 minutes and managed to save over 800 lives – including Kirk’s mother – in that time?and he challenges Kirk to do better.

Kirk’s dad awas badass? Neat. But apparently Kirk can’t stop his trouble-making ways, because check out how he gets on the Enterprise:

Abrams prefaced this scene by informing us that – after the preceding scene – Kirk continues to get into trouble after his enrollment in Starfleet, and that when all the other graduates have been assigned starships, he is assigned none. Kirk’s friend Doctor McCoy (Karl Urban, who REALLY nails DeForest Kelley’s voice and mannerisms) manages to get him on board Pike’s first run with the Enterprise by invoking Federation Rule 691, which states that a doctor can bring on board any person who he deems to be in need of treatment. In order to qualify Kirk for this loophole, McCoy gives him a nasty but non-lethal virus.

As we join the scene, Kirk’s looking pretty ill as McCoy drags him over to a bed in a very spacious and cool-looking sick-bay. McCoy gives Kirk something to allay the effects of the virus, but Kirk has an allergic reaction to it and his hands swell up like Mickey Mouse’s.

That’s sounds significantly less cool to me. But for the biggest spoiler, here’s the full synopsis of Nimoy’s scene:

Abrams prefaced this scene by explaining that Kirk’s continuing impulsiveness has forced Spock – now in command of the Enterprise – to exile him temporarily on an unnamed location. Here Kirk is met by…Spock! This time it’s Leonard Nimoy, who has been aged even beyond his 77 years to play a Spock that has travelled back in time to change the course of history.

As we join the scene, Nimoy’s Spock is leading Pine’s Kirk to meet Pegg’s Mr. Scott, who has been similarly exiled, and is in belligerent mood. Scott has a big scene here, talking with some annoyance about his efforts to effect matter transference onto a ship that is travelling at warp-speed. This is something Kirk and Scotty need to know if they are going to use Spock’s handy transporter terminal to get back into the action.

Nimoy informs Scott that his future self will solve the problem of ‘beaming up’ between speeding ships, and even shows him the formula he is destined to work out. The engineer declares (against the evidence). “Of course! I never would have thought of space as a moving force!”.

Old Spock informs Kirk that he will need to get Young Spock’s command revoked with the old ‘unfit for command’ ruse we have so often seen in Star Trek, and that he should do this by getting Young Spock emotionally off-balance. Old Spock declares that it will not be difficult, and that he himself is like that (suggesting that Spock has seen himself in this way his whole life).

As Kirk and Scotty get into the transporter, Kirk playfully accuses Old Spock of cheating by travelling back in time to change the course of events. “I learnt it from a master”, Spock rejoins. Ouch.

I kind of hate how Trek uses time travel to fix everything, but I have to admit this scene dos sound kind of awesome. Yeah, it’s pretty much a cop-out, but thinking about Old Spock talking to Young Kirk warms even my non-Trek-loving heart.