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Meet the New Tron and His Amazing Haircut


tron-2-movie.jpg
A lot of you guys gave me shit yesterday when I pounced on the newly announced director of Jonah Hex, Jimmy Hayward, whose main experience has been helming Horton Hears a Who, which is almost not quite totally unlike Jonah Hex. I said Hex would likely suck, and you guys got ornery and said to give him a chance.

First of all, you’re probably right. Hayward doesn’t have enough to a track record to really judge him yet, maybe he wanted to end it with a gunfight in a demon-infested town and the studio wouldn’t let him. However, secondly, who gives a shit? I’m a goddamn nerd, and it’s my nerdy responsibility to be utterly cynical about most things, and blindly, terrifyingly excited about others–it’s what we all do. Third, I’m a pessimist anyways, so I expect more things to suck toast than the average nerd.

I bring this all up because some guy named Garrett Hedlund has been cast as the lead of Tron 2, and it’s going to bring up the same debate over whether I’m being a negative asshole or just a regular, bitter nerd. I was ready to give this guy a chance. Are you ready? Here’s Hedlund:
new tron.png
FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCK

Okay. I know what you’re thinking here. And I’ll start with a pro–he was in the Friday Night Lights movie, which I thought was awesome and recall no bad performances in. Of course, he was also in Eragon and Georgia Rule, but I’ll be optimistic and allow the possibility that he was the only shining light in those two box office turds, neither of which I will ever see. But then I look at this picture and
new tron2.png

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKK

I bet you’re also thinking that I picked the douchiest photo of him, possible, right? FUCKING WRONG. There were several worse photo that make him look like a douchenozzle opened to its widest, most powerful spray. I even went to IMDB, where I found this–at least he has a regular goddamn haircut, but he has the world’s WORST MUSTACHE (and I know, because I held the title from 1999-2000). So don’t you blame me for being negative. I was willing to give this idiot a chance. Finally, in summary:
new tron3.png

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK