Movies

Which Is Worse: A Total Recall Remake or a Neverending Story One?

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Because both are the boards in Hollywood. Columbia Pictures apparently thinks that current special effects technology will make a new Total Recall, if not a better flick, at least a worthwhile one, and The Neverending Story is getting remade, because, well, Hollywood is creatively bankrupt and ran out of idea about a decade ago.

So which is more unnecessary? I’ve got to go with Total Recall on this one. I believe /Film has it right; the first Recall was a pitch-perfect combination of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stan Winston’s effects, and Paul Verhoeven, all at their awesomest. You can’t recreate that, no matter how much you try or how many millions you sink into cutting-edge CG.

Also, I fucking hated The Neverending Story when I was a kid. Between the weird huge flying dog and the kid getting trapped in the book, I wanted nothing to do with it then, and I want nothing to do with it now, especially, if as io9 reports, Warner Bros. plans on making it with “a modern spin.” If that goddamn dog has a rap battle with somebody, I will seriously burn down every theater that it plays at.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.