Mattel Is Killing Me Softly with MOTUC


To the dude who recently commented that he suspected the Topless Robot writers where not really nerds — hold onto your hat, because I’m about to rock your world. Yes, it’s time for another nerdy rant about Mattel’s Masters of the Universe Classics, the toyline I’m obsessively collecting and simultaneously regretting. Now, Mattel is indeed trying to starve me to death by charging essentially $30 per figure ($20 + $8 minimum shipping, and you can’t order different figures together because they’re released one per month but sell out in hours).But now they’re trying to drive me insane.

If you’ve been collecting MOTUC, you know that each figure package has a character bio on it. I thought it was innocent enough, until I got Beast-Man and discovered his real name was supposedly actually “Raqquill Rqazz.” What? Now, I try not to get too upset about revisionist nerd history, but this means that either “Raqquill” or Skeletor gave him the name “Beast-Man” on purpose, which means one or both of them are least imaginative idiots on Eternia.

You got lucky then, but now that an early Hordak has shown up on a Hong Kong ebay listing (found by friend o’ TR and contributor Poe Ghostal), I can no longer be quiet. check out his bio:


“Hec-tor Kur”?! Hordak’s real name is Hector Kur? Jesus. Was “Steve T. Hordak” already taken by another company or something? Look, the guy is an evil interdimensional warlord and magician — he doesn’t have to have a first and last name. Hordak is just fine, okay? You’ve got to knock this shit off, Mattel. Because I am absolutely terrified about learning Man-E-Faces’ real name.

It’s going to be Manuel E. Faces, isn’t it? Oh, fuck me.