Oh, you Topless Roboteers. while there’s plenty of entertainment to be had in last Friday’s contest, not too many of you followed the rules. This was supposed to be your personal most embarrassing story, not the stories of others. Still, not following the rules doesn’t mean you can’t get an honorable mention:
? Patrick, for having actual sex while role-playing (yes, that’s embarrassing to explain to other people, but we nerds are going to worship you as a god)
? Niko, for that wonderful mental picture
? Shgubgub, for a very different wonderful mental picture
? kinginyellow, for helping a friend nearly call off his wedding with nerdery
? NtDM for “it might have been worth it if they were levelling up from 8th to 9th, but 5th!”
? Chuck, for “Totally broke the mystique of tabletop roleplaying and nobody wanted to
bring it up ever again. … We are all still friends
though I am the only one who still roleplays and if I brought that
stuff up around their girlfriends/wives, they would not hesitate to
? Dante for “Our DM asks him “Hey, what’s your unseen servant look like?” To which
we all replied, “It’s unseen, dumbass.” The entire party was dead 5
? Seven for the epic tale of League of Stupid, Vindictive Assassins Named Fred
? Talanic for a delightful series of quotes
? Button, for “There was a bounty on our heads, placed there by the space elven nation.
I put my head down on the table. I took a few shuddering breaths, and I sobbed.”
As for the winner, I’d like to announce the first ever TR contest tie: ClancyDamon and 8den, congratulations!
Now, a group of friends and I were playing a short little game know
as Twilight Imperium. … We were playing a game, and I was doing okay. Got a few planets,
building some ships, got a couple technologies, not bad. Then, my
neighbor makes a power play. … I’m
left wide open and even though the game isn’t really about combat,
nobody can just let my planets sit there. Now, I’m fucking pissed.
… Next turn he follows through and continues
to pound me. I’ll admit it’s not a dick move. His play is logical and
if he doesn’t obliterate me, his previous thrust is meaningless. And
that’s when I draw my knife…
A little 2 & 1/2 inch blade folding pocket knife. I pull it,
flip it open, and advance threatening to kill him. Of course my
impotent rage is very clearly that. Oh, how I wish I could describe a
scene where my friends leap across the table to pin me down to disarm
me, lest I turn our kitchenette into a bloody mess. No, this guy who
doesn’t know me from Adam just looks at me with an almost indignant WTF
grimace, and my friends are quietly waiting for me to stop making a
scene and take my turn already.
It’s pretty humiliating. Really, though, what could I expect?
Honestly I’d pulled those exact same shenanigans twice before. Yep, I’m
such an unbalanced-yet-pathetically-harmless loon I’ve pulled knives
and threatened death three times over this damn board game without
anyone taking me seriously. It’s safe to say that I no longer have any
dignity to speak of.
16 years old, playing one of the Vampire TMG (I think it was the one
about the mummies) Spin offs, There was a bit where we all were driving
along in a car, the GM, who had very pretentious ideals about his
“creativity” decided to try and break the “cliche” of a group of guys
sitting around a table , and insisted that we move away from the table,
and arrange our chairs like we are sitting in a car.
So before you can shout “shotgun” the four players are sitting as if
we are in the car and (God this is awful) the character who is driving,
has got a dinner plate in his hands.
And this is the scene that greets my parents. And my slightly older sister, and her two hot friends.
See humiliating yourself in front of other nerds is one thing,
looking like you’re engaging in the kind of lets pretend 8 year olds
do, in front of actual genuine human beings at the age of 16 is an
entire different level of debasement.
My parents never even understood roleplaying, my sporty macho dad
did not comprehend it, and my older sister held me in whithering
contempt, even before this. Now they thought I gathered together with
other boys my age, and played make believe vroom vroom games.
These two stayed on-topic, and related hideously embarrassing stories about themselves, and for that, they should be rewarded with the finest shirts I have sitting in a boz in my office. Obviously, I’ll have to do another RPG story contest sometime later. And for those who disapproved of my disapproval of character sex between two male players, let me just say I’m not speaking from theory. I take a lot of showers.