The Star Trek Colognes Are Highly Illogical and Frankly Disturbing

I know I’ve reported on these before, but Trek Movie got pics and descriptions of both the “Tiberius” and “Red Shirt” fragrances, and if I don’t share them with somebody, I might go mad. My brain is trying to keep from admitting these things exist, and I honestly don’t blame it. From Trek Movie:

The Tiberius cologne, named in honor of the Mirror Universe James T. Kirk’s challenges users to “Boldly Go” with a perfume described as being spiked with “notes of freshness and sensuality.” According to Genki Wear, the perfume has sweet citron zest, black pepper, and cedar as its top notes (top notes refers to those scents that are noticeable first) and warm vanilla, white musk, and sandalwood as its base notes (scents perceived last, usually about a half hour after application).

Genki’s “Red Shirt” cologne (whose tag line “Because Tomorrow May Never Come” is priceless) celebrates the sacrifices of those often nameless crew of the USS Enterprise. Described appropriately as a cologne for those with a “devotion to living each day as it could be your last” the cologne has top notes of green mandarin, bergamot, and lavender, with base notes of leather and grey musk.

I have no words. They are beyond making fun of, and thus, my highly advanced bastard mind is threatening to shut down. Clearly, it’s time to give myself a Vulcan Nerve Pinch, by which I mean hit myself in the head with a gin bottle until I pass out.