G.I. Joe: A Real American Grave Desecrator

First off — despite the title, this is not the Cobra-fighting G.I. Joe of the ’80s; it’s the previous G.I. Joe, who was 12-inches-tall and went on shockingly boring, nondescript adventures. Two, the reason he went on boring, nondescript adventures was because he was a goddamn moron, as this video — a G.I. Joe record/storybook vaguely animated by Jim Sweet — clearly demonstrates; this dude would get outwitted by Raptor, for fuck’s sake. Still, he’s not wearing an accelerator suit, so he has that going for him. Thanks to Jacob for the tip — hope you’re feeling better after last night! (Via Buzzfeed)