Another G.I. Joe Movie Poster, Another Treasure Trove of Photoshop Disasters


Don’t worry, kids — although I’d like to rant about the horribleness of the G.I. Joe movie through another examination of its movie posters, 1) I did that already, and 2) I’m still spent from yesterday’s revelation that Michael Bay has added testicles to various Transformers. So instead, I’ll merely use this new Rise of Cobra movie poster to inform the Joe move makers that they should stop hiring designers straight out of high school, because, as you can see from the Baroness’ unnatural extended breasts, they suck on toast. The clear expansion of the image, the utterly different lighting, the bizarrely straight surface from her neck to her boobs — it’s just sad and funny at the same time.

…okay, three things, because I can’t help myself. Look closely, and you should be able to see a hint of Snake Eyes’ molded nose and mouth on his mask. I also can’t help but marvel at Storm Shadow’s utterly un-ninja outfit. And last but not least, I’ve decided that “The Doctor” actually looks stupider than Dennis Hopper in the Super Mario Bros. movie. He looks like the villain from a Three Ninjas movie or something. Not the first one, but one of those later straight-to-video ones. Except he’s in a major summer movie of a beloved ’80s franchise. Sigh.