Breaking: There Are New G.I. Joe Posters That Don’t Completely Suck

Never let it be said that I am not fair. You can say I’m, a bitter, mean-spirited, horrible little fat man, but I am fair — the minute that the G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra movie released posters that didn’t look like a drunk 4-year-old playing on Photoshop were released, I rushed to post them. I will say without hesitation that the above Baroness poster is sweet, and if I had any hopes of the movie not being akin to Stephen Sommers taking a shit in my mouth, I would buy it. Obviously, I don’t and I won’t but still, great poster. And there’s more!

Snake Eyes looks… not bad. He looks a little thick in the middle. Admittedly, I probably shouldn’t talk, but then, I’m also not pretending to be a mute American ninja (most of the time). Still, you can’t see his molded-on face, so that’s a big win. Hell, I’m just excited the posters are of characters firing guns. See the rest after the jump.

Marlon Wayan’s Ripcord is… well, he seems mildly perturbed that he’s
firing an assault rifle at someone. If I were trying to kill someone —
possibly in order to save the world — I might have a look on my face
slightly more emphatic that “mild concentration.” Still, it looks
better than those previous posters, so I guess we…

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Really, Channing Tatum? This is your Duke? You
have an assault rifle firing right next to your fucking face, and you can’t bring
yourself to feel anything about it whatsoever? Well done — you’ve just been
outacted by Marlon Wayans. Congratulations. (Via Terror Drome)