Breaking: Videogame Movies Will Continue to Blow

There aren’t enough keys on a keyboard to properly relay my disgust and scorn, but please imagine my at least giving a big frowny face as I relate to you not one, but two horrible movie ideas based on videogames, and shockingly, none of them are Uwe Boll’s fault (I just used his picture because it was the first thing that popped into my head when I thought “bad videogame movie”). The first is from Heroes‘ Masi Oka, who should probably know better.

The story centers on a group of mostly teenagers from around the world who are involved in a multiplayer video game,
each unaware of who they really are behind the cover of their consoles
and avatars. They are forced to come together for a real adventure,
becoming inadvertent heroes in the process. DreamWorks will develop a
video game simultaneously with the feature.  Oka came up with idea
while playing MMORPGs.

“You can be whoever you want to be,” he said. “The question came to me:
What if you had to live up to the person you created in the virtual
world?” [THR]

So, a person (or persons) good at a videogame has to use those skills to solve a problem in the real world? Sounds great. Like Tron. Or The Last Starfighter. Or Wargames, to an extent. Or all those .hack anime. Or like every videogame movie made in the last 30 years that’s not based on a specific game. I’m sorry, but Hiro’s idea is lame, and someone should throw a potato at him until he realizes the error of his ways. Want to know what a lame, obvious idea it really is? A football coach had the same idea, but with Madden:

The movie, currently titled “The Xbox Kid,” is about a
boy from a poor family in New Orleans who starts controlling the
outcome of NFL games through a refurbished Xbox given to him by his
grandfather following a devastating hurricane.

“I just wrote about four pages, piddling around with it,” said
[New Orleans Saints coach Sean] Payton, who later turned the idea over to a professional screen writer
to flesh it out. [FanIQ]

Sadly, I’m sure both of these movies will get made, but in all honesty, I’d rather see the Madden one. Unless Masi Oka’s movie turns into a theatrical adventure of The Guild. Then we’re talking. (Via FilmDrunk and With Leather)